Kent Bernhardt: Ode to the school lunch

Published 12:00 am Sunday, October 25, 2015

Sometimes my sense of humor gets the best of me, as it did a couple of months ago while serving as master of ceremonies at a county-wide pep rally for employees of our local school system.

I decided it might be fun to examine the “Top Ten Reasons You Work in the Educational Field.” Somewhere in my homemade list, I took a humorous jab at school lunches and drew some groans from the audience.

It hadn’t occurred to me that, included in the assembled crowd, there were many people who dedicate a lot of hours of their lives making sure students get nutritious meals each day.

I tried to assure them that my digs were aimed at the school lunches of long ago, but I’m not sure I succeeded in mending the broken fence.

The truth is, school lunches in my day left a lot to be desired. The food tasted a lot different than what I was used to at home, mainly due to the fact that it had to be prepared quickly. Quantity, not quality was the rule.

We had dedicated tireless workers then too. I can still see the three “lunch ladies” at my elementary school dishing out our daily portions of canned green beans, chicken surprise, and if we were lucky, a small dessert of some sort. In the dark ages of my youth, salads, pizza, and tacos had yet to be invented.

We washed it down with a pint of Pet whole milk in those convenient red boxes. I hated drinking milk with my meal unless we had dessert. I concluded at an early age that milk only goes with certain foods; peanut butter and jelly, cake, or apple cobbler. I had no intention of washing down peas and carrots with milk.

Someone started a rumor one day that the milkman had delivered chocolate milk to the cafeteria by mistake, and we could barely contain our excitement as lunchtime approached. As with most school rumors, there was no truth to this one either.

There was one school lunch that far exceeded our expectations, and that was vegetable soup day. For some reason, the school system could serve up the finest vegetable soup I’d ever tasted. And to my unrestrained joy, they paired it with pimento cheese sandwiches that were quite tasty.

I am and have always been a pimento cheese addict — I’m a recovering member of PC Anonymous — and for some reason the school system’s pimento cheese appealed to my finicky palette.   I would regularly orchestrate an exchange with a classmate who hated pimento cheese, giving up my dessert for his sandwich.   No words were exchanged, just two food items. We had it down to a routine.

The quality of school lunches rose steadily through the years. By the time my daughter hit the public school system in the late 1990s, I was quite impressed. I would regularly visit her elementary school to join her for lunch, even remarking on occasion that her meals were on par with food served in local restaurants.

I’m not kidding. They were delicious, right down to the iced tea they served visitors and employees. I would’ve killed for a glass of iced tea in my youth.

So, I’m not sure that all those cartoons you’ve seen through the years featuring a grumpy lunch lady spooning out a glop of slop are accurate.

The only thing that concerns me these days about school lunches, or any meal for that matter, is the tremendous amount of waste I see in public dining.  I simply wish people would eat what they put on their plates.

Our parents said it best: “Starving children in India would love to have what you throw away each meal.”   And just before we’d get grounded for five weeks, we’d reply, “Well, send them this.”

But they were right. We waste a lot of food in our nation. And whether it’s a school lunch or a home cooked meal, that’s a real shame.

So, here’s to the lunch ladies I offended back in August. Next time, I’ll limit my jokes to gym class.

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