Whitey Harwood, From the Woodshed: Who’s Gonna Mow Your Grass?

Published 11:13 am Monday, August 21, 2023

Have you ever heard this saying – Just because You’re the Boss, it don’t make you right all the time. It
just makes you the boss all the time.

Have you ever heard this song – “My Own Kind Of Hat”? In the song Merle Haggard will tell you, there’s
two kinds of brothers and two kinds of lovers, and two kinds of babies to hold.

Have you ever been reading the Salisbury Post and thought about this – There are two kinds of letter writers.

One is an earnest letter writer and the other one is a letter “righter.” They think everything they write is
right.
One good example is when a letter writer wrote that he was speaking on behalf of all RoCo Veterans.
That’s when he became a letter “righter” because I knew right off he wasn’t speaking for me. So I got to
asking other people if they were Veterans. If they said yes, I asked them if they needed anyone to speak
on their behalf. All of them gave me a Great Big “NO”! Except for one. When I asked him if he was a
Veteran, he said, “Hell No! I’m not a Veteran. I’m a damn “Combat Veteran”!
I was so proud of his answer I didn’t have to ask him the second question. I knew the answer.
So this is for about 11 people out of 9 that didn’t know there were two kinds of Veterans.
For the record, I’m not a Veteran, so I feel qualified to finish this story.
It is in regard to a letter writer from Rockwell that wrote about “Our Veterans deserve better quality of
life.”
He didn’t state which kind of Veteran he was, but I did enjoy reading his letter.
When I finished, I felt sorta like a termite in a yo-yo and thought maybe I should put pen to paper.
Let’s start with building fitness centers. I don’t know your definition of a “fitness center,” but I think
they are already built. Don’t hiking trails and walking trails count? They are all over Rowan County and
all of them are free. All you need is a water bottle (no plastic), a bandana, a stick, a good pair of boots
(for hiking) or shoes (for walking). Nancy got it wrong when she sang “These Boots Are Made For
Walking.” Boots are for hiking. Shoes are for walking.
A good canteen will cost about $20.00, a bandana about $2.00, sticks are free, and if you’re a Veteran
(either kind) Ralph Baker Shoes will give you 15% off the price of your footwear. Then you can “Walk
Through This World With Me.”
Our second stop is the library. For years I’ve been trying to improve the quality of life at our libraries.
It’s a very simple thing, so if you want to help the Veterans, just get the libraries we already have to start
stocking R-rated movies. Let’s Grow Up, “We’re Not Kids Anymore,” not a little girl and boy.
If you want to build something, build a trophy and get a Pillar of the Community to present it to the
“Feckless Five” for all the hard work they didn’t do to lift the ban on R-rated movies. Everyone will be
better off.

Our last project is mental health treatment centers. I could write a book about that one, but I don’t
think many “folks” would get it.
I will say this about that (mhtc). Mental Health is going backwards.
I don’t know anything about the Battle of the Bulge or Broughton Hospital, but I do know about Viet
Nam (Yes, it is two words) and the VAMC in Salisbury. I could tell you some stories about either one of
them and it would probably make your hair fall out.
I told a feller that one time and he took off his hat to scratch his head, and I looked at him and said, “I’m
sorry. You must have already heard ‘em.”
Also, when we (Combat Veterans) talk about Viet Nam, we just call it “Nam” and it rhymes with “Bomb”
not ham or jam.
For all the “Golden Girls” and you “Sunshine Ladies” that read my stories, “Thank You For Being A
Friend,” whether you edit a newspaper, sell turnips or chicken eggs.
And to all the “Good Ol’ Boys” from Waylon and myself and the Texas Troubadour, Thanks, “Thanks A
Lot.”
Now I have three questions for the Rockwell letter writer, “Just In Case” RoCo starts building in the
future:
 Don’t you think we have enough empty buildings?
 From E. T. and Loretta: “Who’s Gonna Take Your Garbage Out”?
 And finally, from Buck Owens: “Who’s Gonna Mow Your Grass”?
Keep on Smilin’