Clyde: Thankful for things grandma didn’t have

Published 12:00 am Thursday, November 25, 2021

By Clyde

What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving? Here are a list of things that grandma didn’t have:

• Windex and paper towels

• hot running water

• electricity

• stormwater fees

• automatic transmissions

• telemarketers

• political activists

• gay rights

• City Park

• broccoli

• Tupperware

• more than two pairs of shoes

• a driver’s license

• pizza

• Bitcoin

• Popeil’s magic anything

• high octane

• NPR or the NRA

• mail order dog food

• air conditioning

• bubble baths

• spas

• botox

• birth control

• weed killer

• plastic totes

• weed eaters

• chain saws

• Bob Ross

• bug spray

• bow-tie macaroni

• spray paint

• Yostie’s cheese straws

• pooper scoopers

• squeegees

• cremation

• oasis

• Round-up

• Saran Wrap

• boutiques

• flea markets

• rap music

• burglar alarms

• zip codes

• credit cards

• drones

• bird feeders

• tater tots

• apple uglies

• Cheerwine slushies

• the W.I.C. Program

• acrylic

• instant grits

• polyester

• 10-digit phone numbers

• Rolexes

• Lamborghinis

• books on tape

• Zip-loc plastic bags

• yogurt

• New guinea impatiens

• online newspapers

• frisbees

• silly putty

• paper clips

• lemon zesters

• solar yard lights

• pacifiers

• neon colors

• motion detector

• climate change

• MRIs

• wealth disparity

• futons

• sushi

• trampolines

• gummy bears

• Band-aids

• twist ties

• magic markers

• velcro

• cubic zirconium

• complete pancake mix

• double Whoppers

• soap operas

• Levolor blinds

• M&Ms

• electric blankets

• high-heel shoes

• interstate highways

• lace on underwear

• income tax

• YouTube or Facebook

• polyester

• genetic mutations

• artificial intelligence devices

Clyde is an artist who lives in Salisbury.

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