As autumn approaches and gradually overtakes us, we bid a fond farewell to parties by the pool, tomatoes fresh out of the garden, and copious amounts of perspiration.

 

At the same time, we say hello to pumpkin spice.

 

Pumpkin spice is the kudzu of the fragrance world. It shows up in the fall uninvited, and spreads throughout our culture, leaving it’s imprint of virtually every aspect of our lives.

 

Many years ago, the pumpkin became sort of the icon of fall. Its rich orange hue represented everything we love about fall colors, and its taste is the essential crescendo to the fall meal of all fall meals, Thanksgiving dinner.

 

Yes, we eat a vegetable for dessert, which is strange. But don’t tell the children their favorite dessert is actually a cousin of the squash.

 

Pumpkin spice is a fairly recent phenomenon, but has somehow managed to spread like a foot rash. Your grandmother probably had some version of it tucked away in her spice rack, but only recently has it invaded American culture by force, leaving its mark on virtually every product we buy.

 

I remember the first pumpkin spice candle I was tempted to purchase. I thought better of it before making my way to the cash register.

 

If I want my house to smell like pumpkin, I reasoned, I’ll bake a pie. I didn’t want people showing up at my house expecting pie and having to explain that there is no pie, just this candle. That’s a huge letdown.

 

I buy candles that smell like a forest instead. No one ever walks through your house looking for trees.

 

In recent years, pumpkin spice began to invade nearly every aisle in the grocery store. Seemingly every food product saw their sales increase in the fall by adding “pumpkin spice” to the label.

 

There’s pumpkin spice hand soap, pumpkin spice creamer for your coffee, pumpkin spice teas, pretzels, Oreos, oatmeal, butter, and even pumpkin spice rum. I spotted Pumpkin Spice Cheerios two years ago, and you’re not ready for this one but it exists:

 

Pumpkin Spice Spam. But it’s a limited edition, so hurry to your local grocer today.

 

I think the Pumpkin Spice World Council – if there is one – is missing some obvious markets. Your local car wash should add a pumpkin spice fragrance. Maybe they already do.

 

Muscle pain ointments could offer a pumpkin spice fall line so you could constantly smell like a walking pumpkin pie. Preparation H, are you listening? Deodorant companies?

 

Even oil companies could benefit by adding just a hint of pumpkin spice to their fall blends. The possibilities are endless.

 

Now, I’m certainly not anti-pumpkin spice. Every fragrance deserves the right to exist and even flourish, filling our nostrils with the joy of the season. But the pumpkin spice spam thing really got to me this year. That’s just one toke over the line.

 

Which gives me an idea for yet another product flavored with pumpkin spice…