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Kent Bernhardt: That Bachelorette Show

Kent Bernhardt

 

Maybe you missed it, but ABC recently finished off another season of “The Bachelorette.”

 

Women seem drawn to that show like flies to a corpse. Men struggle to understand it, or at least I do.

 

If you’re not familiar with it, a beautiful, unmarried woman – usually one of the discards from the previous season of “The Bachelor” – is jetted off to an exotic location where she is joined by a houseful of young good looking men, all hoping to win her affections.

 

Here’s where it gets complicated.

 

These guys fall instantly in love with her like they’ve never seen a woman before, and they would gleefully club each other over the head like cavemen to become her husband. One by one, they are eliminated. That is, if they don’t receive a rose from the bachelorette before the eleven o’clock news, they are sent packing.

 

Some poor guy gets jettisoned each week. The finalists get to meet her family, who all live in houses much nicer than mine. Within eleven weeks, it’s all over.

 

This perplexes me a bit, because I don’t believe people in real life fall in love quite that fast. Most of these guys are head over heels by the time the first commercial break is over.

 

The show is set in some of the most beautiful locales on earth. As with most reality shows, this show has little to do with reality. They wine and dine this poor, exhausted woman leaving her little time for actual rest, yet she springs from man to man with all the energy in the world and nary a hair out of place.

 

Folks, that’s just not real life at all.

 

But let’s be honest. We don’t want to come home from a hard day’s work and watch real people navigate romantic waters. Can you imagine a promo for a “real” reality show?

 

“Tonight on The Bachelorette, Jim meets Ethel at Taco Bell without showering beforehand…”

 

In the latest round of this prime time soap opera, a beauty queen named Hannah accepted the proposal of a musician wannabee named Jed who pledged his eternal love to her, neglecting to mention a girlfriend back home.

 

Did it get ugly? You bet. Hannah found out all about Jed’s girl, and viewers received the thrill of watching her give him the heave-ho on live TV.

 

It never occurred to Jed to say something to her like “Yes, I had a girlfriend back home, but I never expected to meet someone as wonderful as you on this show, and you mean more to me than anyone in my past. Please forgive me.”

 

Nope, Jed looked extremely guilty, squirming and fidgeting on the sofa like a dog caught soiling the carpet. Women all over the nation booed him. There he sat on live TV, the most hated man in America.

 

I don’t like to admit to people I watch this show. My daughter got me started on it, so I’ll blame her. It’s like those chips and salsa they bring you in a Mexican restaurant. You know you shouldn’t fill up on them, but you can’t help yourself.

 

Speaking of my daughter, she told me today that she really likes Tyler, another bachelor who proposed to Hannah but left in tears after she refused his love. After her heartbreaking experience with Jed, Hannah decided at the end of the finale to bring Tyler back into her life.

 

Maybe love would bloom after all.

 

I asked my daughter if she wanted it to work between Hannah and Tyler. Her answer: NOOO! She wants Tyler to be the next bachelor on “The Bachelor,” set to premier soon.

 

True love stands no chance in the face of TV ratings.

 

Kent Bernhardt lives in Salisbury, not always glued to the TV.

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