Whitey Harwood: When will everyone be happy?

Published 12:00 am Sunday, July 14, 2019

The Salisbury Post “welcomes” letters every 14 days, especially if you write about a statue.

I have read every editorial, letter and My Turn about the “Fame thang” and now I have two questions.

The first one is, “Has the Salisbury Post ever considered giving an award for the best write-in about ‘Fame’?”

Please do before someone else with a lot of pull, like Dollar General or maybe a hospital, decides to present an award to the county “bored” for all the work it didn’t put into it.

If you need any help pickin’ out a winner, I want to endorse Laurel Harry for her story about Yrubsilas. Her turn didn’t only make more sense than the rest, but it had some humor in it, too.

The only thing I would like to add to her report is that Yrubsilas is the county seat of Ytnouc Nawor, which is actually more backwards that Yrubsilas.

A good name for the Post prize would be the S.P.O.T. Award or the T.O.P.S. Award. S.P.O.T. stands for Salisbury People Oughta Think and T.O.P.S. stands for The Official Post Scoop. Laurel Harry’s story was at the top of the heap and hit the spot.

My second question is: “Has anyone ever wondered what a blind person thought about a statue?”

I don’t have any fast answer to that question, but I can give you a half-fast one.

“Fame” needs a music system, with Alexa running it and millions of songs to pick from. You just step up and tell her what you want to hear. Then everyone will be happy, and that would be good. No, that would be bad because the deaf people couldn’t get any good from all that music.

Now someone will need to doff-off and pay for a video screen, so the words will be showing while the music is playing. Then, everyone will be happy, and that would be good.

No, that would be bad, because the illiterate won’t be able to read the words.

Now, someone will have to form a new committee and recruit volunteers to read to the less fortunate. Then, everyone will be happy, and that would be good.

No, that would be bad because now there’s way too many happy folks gathered around, trying to figure out why so many people are so happy. They are causing a traffic jam on Innes Street. The people driving the cars can’t get up or down the street to get out of town and they’re mad and might run over someone just to show them who’s right or wrong.

“What’s the answer, then?”

Stay at home and watch the movie “An Inconvenient Truth,” with former Vice President Al Gore.

Here’s what Roger Friedman states on the front of the DVD cover: ”It doesn’t matter whether you’re a Republican or Democrat, liberal or conservative, … your mind will be changed in a nanosecond.”

So if Plan A doesn’t work for “Fame,” you can go to Plan B.

There’s a bunch of “‘fame’ous” statues out there, but there’s only one Planet Earth. There ain’t no Planet B.

Whitey Harwood lives in Rowan County.

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