The best time to ban balloons was 20 years ago. The second best time is this year.

Someone needs to take on this project. I would love to, but I can only imagine.

I imagine you would have to talk to government people. Lots of government people.

I imagine you would need to talk to religious people. Lots of religious people.

I imagine dealing with these two groups could take years. Lots of years.

I imagine you’ll need to write letters. Lots of letters.

I imagine you’ll have to make phone calls. Lots of phone calls.

I imagine you’ll call on pillars of the community. Lots of pillars.

I imagine you’ll try to get friends to help. Lots of friends.

I imagine you find out the pillars ain’t pillars and your friends haven’t got time. Lots of “I haven’t got time.”

And then!

And then some health group and unhealthy outfit thinks they came up with your idea.

I can only imagine this bunch, moving forward with your project, will start dialogue with some feckless leader and offer him an asinine award to thank him for all the work he’s put into it.

I imagine this leader will go to his people and share the “Good News.” He might say, “See if you can wrap your minds around this. We’re gonna git a trophy!”

I imagine all of them, not knowing the truth if it jumped up and joined them in prayer, will be tickled pink.

I imagine it will make the front page and everyone will be happy.

And then, I imagine your friends will have time to call and congratulate you and say, “I think they gave the trophy to the wrong person.”

I imagine your reply will be, “That’s all right. I ain’t even got a trophy case.”

— Whitey Harwood

Rowan County