Letter: Perhaps purity committee should screen parade participants

Published 7:09 pm Monday, December 4, 2017

I initially thought Holiday Caravan Parade officials made a bad decision in prohibiting members of PFLAG from riding on a parade float. However, recent letters to the editor have enlightened me as to the dire threat to the community posed by a few citizens (mostly kids) who, in the words of a parade organizer, don’t “reflect the vision and values” of the event.

In fact, I would urge organizers to form a parade purity committee that could conduct extensive background checks on all future parade participants and require them to swear allegiance to a Rowan County manifesto of righteous behavior.

I’d suggest starting with Santa Claus. Think about it, folks. As traditionally depicted, Mr. Claus is basically an undocumented immigrant from the North Pole who gorges on cookies and milk, promotes materialistic greed in young and old alike and lacks any visible means of support. He’s a walking advertisement for the cardinal sins of covetousness, gluttony and sloth.

Even worse, this fat, elderly fellow has an unhealthy penchant for inviting vulnerable young girls to sit on his lap while encouraging them to whisper gift fantasies in his ear, while keeping a secret database of those who are “naughty” or “nice.” (We may tolerate such behavior in our presidents and members of Congress, but given the cultural moment, do we really want to provide a platform for it in Rowan County?)

And let’s not even think about the jolly old elf’s disturbingly codependent relationship with one of his reindeer.

Ah, well – I suppose it all depends on your perspective – or lack thereof.

— Chris Verner