Kent Bernhardt: I Believe

Published 12:00 am Saturday, July 18, 2015

I’ve been reading a lot lately about the core beliefs of Americans regarding heritage, faith, and morals.  It seems everyone with a keyboard has been feeling the need to tell me all about what they believe.  So, I think it’s time I stated some of my core beliefs.

I believe that heaven is a glorious place where we will be reunited with all of our deceased relatives, even the ones we didn’t particularly care for.

I also believe that God will reunite us with our lost socks.

I believe the song “I Believe” begins with an untruth.  If a flower grew for every drop of rain that falls, we would have all been buried alive in flowers by now.

I believe one of the greatest injustices of our time was resolved when they figured out how to add the Professor and Mary Ann to the theme song for Gilligan’s Island.  I hear series star Bob Denver told them to do it, or they could leave his name out too.  I admired Bob for that.

I also believe that the Professor invited Mary Ann to the other side of the island for “research” from time to time, but I can’t prove it.

I believe that children are our greatest gift, though some of them fall into the gag gift category.

I believe God has given us the gift of patience to help us deal with heavy traffic, long lines at the grocery store, and lengthy sermons.  I also believe he gave you more than he gave me.

I believe that is good and natural to be proud of your heritage and even boast of it occasionally.  But I also believe since my heritage is German, it’s best for me to keep my mouth shut most of the time.

I believe that God gave us wonderful minds to help us navigate our way through a complicated world.  But I believe we were never meant to understand the deeper mysteries of the universe, like how the earth was created, the intricacies of the human body, and automobile insurance policies.

I believe whoever said “Laughter is the best medicine” never had a stomach virus.

I believe God carved the Ten Commandments into stone, because when you try to text them, autocorrect plays havoc with some of the verbiage.  “Thou shalt not kill” came out “Val shalt not kill.”  Biblical scholars would’ve spent centuries arguing over who “Val” is.

I believe that God gave us the egg as a representation of the perfect food.  You can poach it, fry it, scramble it, or boil it and it doesn’t seem to mind.  It’s hard to louse up an egg, though many have tried.

By the way, I believe the chicken came first….from an egg….which came from…. Oh, never mind.

I believe that dogs are the most faithful and loving creatures on the earth.  I believe that cats are faithful and loving too, but they also lie awake at night fantasizing about killing you in your sleep.  I don’t believe they ever would though, because they know they can’t reach the cat food.

I believe we should go ahead and change Matthew 18:20 to “Where two or three are gathered in my name, there will probably be an argument followed by a covered dish dinner.”

Finally and most importantly, I believe that most of you don’t really care about my beliefs, especially when they conflict with your own.  You’ve taken the time to carefully craft yours through the years, as have I.

We probably don’t agree on a few things here and there.  Frankly, I like it that way.  It makes life more interesting.

So let’s just work on the important part; learning to live together in peace in spite of our differences.

I believe we can.



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