Lynna Clark: Chilly Willy etiquette and responsibility

Published 12:00 am Sunday, July 12, 2015

“It’s okay. I’ll be fine. Just give me one of those dull ones. They can have all the pretty Chilly Willys. I don’t mind.” Sigh…

When eating a Chilly Willy, one must remember to squeeze from the bottom, but not too fast or one could lose half the treat to the neighbor’s dog. It’s also important to watch for excess juiceage lest one squirt one’s shirt with color. Once again, I came off looking noble as pineapple does not stain or even show up like the coveted blue, grape or cherry.

If one were especially fortunate, one’s mother would wrap the Chilly Willy in a paper towel so that one’s fingers didn’t freeze.

“I’d better not find that paper towel in the yard!” was the obligatory warning which came with the paper holster. Clear plastic might disappear in the grass, but not that half a paper towel. One could be banned from Chilly Willy pleasure for weeks for blatant disregard of proper holster disposal.

It is also important to treat the plastic edge of the Chilly Willy with a great deal of respect. One cannot glide the stiff frozen treat casually over one’s lips lest one incur a paper-like cut. That is an occasion when pineapple is not the flavor of choice.

Now that I am vying for position as favorite grandmother, I shall always keep a stockpile of Chilly Willys. I cut them in half, wrap them in a paper holster and take them to the porch where Chilly Willy leakage does not matter. When they ask for more, I happily oblige with a second half since they still haven’t spoiled their lunches. If they get colorful juice on their shirts, who cares! That’s what the pre-soak cycle is for. If juice runs down their legs, that’s what the kiddie pool is for. If they eat all the pretty ones and leave the dull yellows behind that’s what the grandmother is for.

Ahhh the wonderful Chilly Willy! Tastes like summer, and childhood, and responsibility. For one should never eat a Chilly Willy all willy-nilly!