I figured out how to defeat the Islamic Militants, using field tested techniques that our country has great experience in. These strategies have been shown to be awesome in their impact.

1) Drop tons and tons of cigarettes on the ISIS troops.   Of military significance, smoking is a major contributor to impotence and malformed sperm, so the randy young solders cannot reproduce nearly as fast as non smokers, and when they do their kids are sicker and dumber, so the pool of future solders shrinks. The smoking solders will be less physically fit, with less lung capacity. Less expensive than armed conflict, and more deadly — one out of two people who smoke die from it, 10 years younger than nonsmokers. To top that, one third of the people who live around the smoker will also get sick and die young.

This strategy has a great cost/benefit ratio, because evidence shows that the tobacco companies spend more than $23 million a day in the USA trying to sell cigarettes, while the doctor and hospital costs from smoking total $364 million  a day.

2) Provide taxpayer subsidies for sugar in food like we do here at home, and have the CIA secretly set up stores that sell junk food on every street corner,  so that the ISIS population gains weight. We have proven we can do this because a third of our own population is overweight, and another third is obese.

Our own military has to reject one third of all applicants for being too fat. We could give away the junk food as foreign aid to pregnant women, because research shows that obese women birth damaged babies at a far higher rate than slim women. If we do this we will have fewer competent enemy soldiers.

3) Store large amounts of pesticides and insecticides in warehouses near farming areas, and take the guards away so that the chemicals get stolen. This will substantially increase the number of natives who will apply the chemicals without proper protection. Just like here at home, birth defects will rise, and agricultural workers will sicken.

4) Make sure that ISIS does not inspect or monitor chemicals in their environment.   Basically, we just tell them to follow our own public policy, which has funded examination of the health impact of only 7 percent of all industrial chemicals produced in amounts over one million pounds a year. Again, this reduces the number of future solders, because men’s testosterone levels are now just about half what they were when widespread chemical use began in the 1940s.

Also, as a bonus, the chemicals will get in the water supplies and ruin them for decades to come.

5) Create jobs here at home by exporting coal for the cities upwind of the rebel areas, because we already know that people living downwind of coal plants are hurt badly. Even in our own country, where efforts to contain pollution have resulted in significant clean up, pollution from existing coal plants was estimated to cause 13,200 deaths in 2010. Our existing fleet of coal plants also emit pollution resulting in more than 20,000 heart attacks, 9,700 hospitalizations and more than 200,000 asthma attacks.  And if we can get ISIS to burn coal to cook and heat water in their homes, the health impact would be closer to what China is experiencing, which is half a million premature deaths annually. Since the areas where we would be giving away the coal are lacking in government regulation, we can look to our own history to see just how awful ISIS will suffer.

I know all this will work, because in parts of our own country where there is high smoking, lots of unregulated chemical use, coal fired electrical generation, and lots of junk food, all the evidence shows life expectancy is falling, birth defects are rising, and the violent crime rate is rising dramatically.

Wouldn’t it be great to have an enemy like that?

Francis Koster lives in Kannapolis. To see the sources of facts used in this article, and learn of other successful money and life saving programs that can be implemented locally to create a better future for our country, go to www.TheOptimisticFuturist.org.