Thank goodness for turkey and Honey Boo Boo
ou know you ask yourself this question every Thanksgiving:Why don’t we eat turkey more often?
You roast a turkey, carve it up, gorge yourself for a day, then eat leftover turkey for the next week. Sometimes with gravy. Sometimes in a sandwich with Duke’s mayonnaise. Sometimes just straight out of the Tupperware.
You might even make turkey chili or turkey gumbo.
Old Tom, you say to yourself, goes a long, delicious way. Why don’t we roast a big turkey in March and August, too, and live for days off the meat of the bird then, as we do in late November?
I’m thankful for turkey, and I’m going to mix my holidays in the same way I mix my metaphors by resolving to eat turkey – the Thanksgiving way – during other months of the new year.
Which leads me to other things for which I’m thankful.
I’ve noticed on Facebook this year that many of my “FB” friends seem to have marched toward Thanksgiving by posting something they are thankful for each November day. (I’m also told to wake up – people have been doing this for years.)
So I need to catch up. I will spare you the obvious things I’m thankful for, such as family, friends, co-workers and good health, and give you the important stuff.
I am thankful for:
? Honey Boo Boo. I just like to say her name.
? Carolina Panthers fans who stay through the whole game. Real fans stick it out, even through the worst.
? A good mechanic. Danny Williams is ours. He has seen my wife and me many times.
? A good body shop. Sudden Impact is ours. It has seen my wife and me many times.
? Teachers. With all that teachers put up with today, I appreciate their dedication.
? A handwritten card or letter in the mail.
? The Civitans’ holiday fruitcake. I thought I would give the Civitans a plug. They’re selling fruitcake, for goodness sake.
? The Civil Wars.
? North Carolina in the fall.
? Biscuits at breakfast.
? When I can find a stamp.
? Soldiers we take for granted. I can’t believe the sacrifices being made while I go home every week and watch Honey Boo Boo.
? The Atlantic Coast Conference, whatever it might be.
? Drew Barrymore.
? Ant traps.
? David Betrayus – excuse me, Petraeus – whose affair with Paula Broadwell provided some post-election scandal.
? “Storage Wars.” Yuppppp.
? Lance Armstrong. He needs the love.
? Mitt Romney. He needs the love, too.
? Cherie Gollnick and Mike Earnhardt, two brave souls who I’ve gotten to know this year.
? Prayer, which is sort of like turkey. I should do it more often.? This will be the only time I say it – cats.
? Doughnuts on Fridays.
? “Wait Wait … Don’t Tell Me!”
? Salvation Army bell ringers.
? People who go Clark Griswold-crazy with their holiday lights.
? No more telephone calls from politicians.
? Physical gifts – as opposed to fiscal cliffs.
? Salisbury’s Billy Burke.
? Penn State football players who stayed and played this season.
? Kiwanis pancakes.
? Charlie Rose.
? Did I say doughnuts on Fridays?
? Pops at the Post.
? Newspapers, again, which are like turkey.
We should read them every day of the year.
Happy Thanksgiving, all.
Contact Mark Wineka at 704-797-4263 or firstname.lastname@example.org.