I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again.
Everybody needs a nickname.
For 30 years, ESPN’s Chris Berman has been giving us his own variety of nicknames, playing on an athlete’s whole name.
Some of his best include Scott (Supercalifragilisticexpiala) Brosius, Carlos (in) Delgado (da vida), Heathcliff Slocumb (If Ya Got ‘Em), Bert (Be Home) Blyleven, Jeff Conine (the Barbarian), Lance (You’ve Sunk My) Blankenship, Brett Favre (Egnugen) and Jon (Get Thee to a) Nunnally.
I’ve played with the names of my Post co-workers through the years, but nothing has ever topped Sylvia (And the Three) Wiseman, who used to work in news and lifestyles.
Former Editor George Raynor (Shine) came close, I guess.
Today’s newsroom has its share of Berman nicknames. Some of them I’ve shared with you before.
Consider Jon (High Rock) Lakey, Shavonne Potts (and Pans), Scott (Paper Towel) Jenkins and Paris Goodnight (Moon), though I like Paris Goodnight (Was Had By All) much better.
Some others in the newsroom include Deirdre Parker (Brothers) Smith, Kathy Chaffin (At the Bit), Mike London (Bridge), Jessie (James) Burchette and Katie (Take Your Vitamin C to Avoid) Scarvey.
I got to thinking, why not assign nicknames to a few local folks who are often in the news. Try these:
Bill Burgin(dy) ó The former Salisbury city councilman has to like red, being a N.C. State grad.
David Treme (Weaver) ó The Salisbury city manager hopes to weave the dream of a city cable utility into reality.
Carl Ford (Has a Better Idea) ó The chairman of the Rowan County Board of Commissioners will need it to to get through another challenging budget year.
Gary (Turn the) Page ó That’s what the county manager has been doing with the budget, looking for places on each budget page to save money.
(Hanging) Chad Mitchell ó It’s good the Rowan County commissioner is a school teacher and not a judge.
Raymond (Cooooooooul) Train ó It’s really Raymond Coltrain, the county commissioner, but how can you resist a shout-out for the old “Soul Train” show?
Mark Wil(Not)helm ó He’s retiring and won’t be the Salisbury police chief after Dec. 31.
George Wil(Not)helm ó Since he resigned Monday, he will not be running for re-election as Rowan sheriff in 2010.
Coleman (Lantern) Emerson ó As executive director for Rowan County Habitat for Humanity, Coleman has helped turn the lights on for a lot of needy families.
Dianne (Great) Scott ó It takes great patience to carry out her job as executive director of Rowan Helping Ministries.
Mary (Life on Golden) Ponds ó Retired from the school system, the Granite Quarry mayor is consumed with a love for her town.
Beau Taylor (Made) ó He also seems to be a good fit as mayor of Rockwell.
Andrew Brock (‘N’ Roll) ó The young state senator from Davie County will be tough to beat again in 2010.
Lorene Coates (of Armor) ó The State House Democrat from Rowan County has deflected every election challenge so far. Harry Warren of Salisbury apparently is organizing a Republican campaign for her seat.
Mel (Kilo) Watt ó As in a thousand. The 12th District congressman looks like he could be in office a thousand years if he wants.
Beverly Perdue (Boilermaker) ó The N.C. governor will need a stiff drink to get through her first term.
I find it difficult to apply a Chris Bermanism to my strange name. So people around here call me “Snake.”
It’s a long story.