McCanless column: And another reason why I hate computers …

Published 12:00 am Friday, January 16, 2009

I have made no apologies for not liking computers, I really don’t like them, you know. To me they are too impersonal, and too inconvenient. We could easily do without them, I think. OK, I’d probably miss mine, but, I still hate them. OK, mine’s all right, but, they never seem to be working properly.
There is nothing worse than to be somewhere and have someone tell me they can’t conduct business because the computer is down. That’s just malarkey; what did they do before computers were invented? Who did folks talk to before the cell phone came on the scene ó well, that’s another story, but, you get the idea.
I got into a heated discussion the other day with a friend who happens to be extremely proficient on the computer, and he was claiming that there is no task out there now that can’t be enhanced by a computer.
“Is too” …. “Is not”…. “Is too”… and on and on it went.
His theory is that banking, real estate, retail business, mail order, car function ó everything is run by computer, and the better for it.MY theory is that the blame things always crash, or for some reason don’t function, just when you want them to. It’s annoying, and, just when I am getting into a juicy news story, or bit of celebrity gossip, the commentator tells me to log on to their Web site and read the rest of it. That is like Lucy pulling the ball away from that poor Charlie Brown, each time he goes to kick it. Why not just give us the information we need, when we need it, for gosh sakes!
Furthermore, computers don’t like me, they hate me, in fact. Why else would I call somewhere I’ve been hundreds of times before, only to be told I am not in the computer. I think it’s deliberate; the machine knows I hate it, so it reciprocates. Woody Allen once said he had to call a meeting of all his appliances and machines, just to let them know he was the boss. I tried that. None of them showed up!
The first time I used a computer was at a PTA demonstration when my kids were in middle school. That’s been a while. Anyway, I turned on the computer, and it said I was beautiful. I haven’t seen a machine since that I liked as well as that one, AND it had what appeared to be awfully good taste!
Back to our discussion. I told my friend that at that moment, I was watching a hummingbird at my feeder. What a thrill it is to see those tiny creatures hover around a feeder.
“Got pictures of it on my screen saver,” he informed me.
The human touch, the computer doesn’t have the human touch, I told him, and all his arguing to the contrary didn’t sway me.
Asking me for an example, I told him about stopping to buy a Cheerwine slushie in Salisbury. As I was filling the cup, I dropped a dime down in the grill in front. You know, the part where you put the cup while it fills. I was prepared to put forth another dime, when the store clerk said not to bother, she would retrieve my dime, and I wasn’t to give it another thought.
Now, put THAT in your computer and Google it!
I win!