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Guest column: Of suckling pips and Washington politicians

Editor’s note: We thought readers would enjoy this commentary from a longtime observer of the political scene and the human condition. The author is 95 years old and lives in Salisbury at Trinity Oaks.
By Lonnie Cruse Holmes
For the Salisbury Post
Right now I’m tired of all this politics. We’ve had to listen and read about it since the last election. Every day, we hear about all the bad things they did. Over and over it comes on, right in the middle of a good program. I will be glad when it’s over, won’t you?
How about magazines? I start to read an article on page 56. It is interesting; then is says, “continued on page 73.” I have to start counting pages, and by the time I find 73, I have lost interest. The advertisements have pages, too. Give them a number, please; that sure would help!
Then there is this thing about people elected to go to Washington. They go there to work for our good. What do they do but start fighting the other party, digging up all the dirt on them, putting them down. We don’t hear about the good ones. The media plays up the bad. I wish there was something we could spray on them so they would forget which party they belong to: Democrat or Republican. Then they could all go to work for making our country better.
Where’s the spray?
It reminds me of when we grew hogs at Linwood. Now, a sow will seldom take another pig that is not theirs. They go by smell. If another pig doesn’t smell like hers, she will not have it. Some sows will. Even the pigs will fight others. We had two sows with new pigs. One had 12, and the other sow had seven. I tried taking one of the 12 to the seven-litter one, but she wouldn’t have it. I had read that if you sprayed them with vanilla flavoring, they would accept the pig.
As you know, hogs can’t look up, so the sow lays down on her side, closes her eyes and grunts while the pigs nurse. When she lay down, I had my spray bottle of vanilla flavoring. I misted her and her pigs and the one I had in my hand. I slipped it down with the other pigs. When she got up, she accepted that pig, and the other pigs did, too. They didn’t fight.
That gives me an idea.
Spray each Democrat and Republican with vanilla so they won’t know which party they belong to, and they will start to work solving our problems instead of diggin up dirt. That would help the economy, too.
We would all have jobs making vanilla flavoring to keep Washington going and our legislators at work.

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