By Ester Marsh
For the Salisbury Post
The following question has been in my file a while. Initially I didn’t know how to answer the question without hurting anyone’s feelings but since my big day was coming ó and as you all know I like to put my own experiences in my columns ó this was the perfect question for this perfect time to answer.
Q. My wife and I have been married for one year. I love her very much and am scared to hurt her feelings. Since we have been married she has gained at least 30 pounds.
What can I do or say without hurting her feelings or our relationship to have her lose weight?
A. The reason that I have been sitting on this question for a while is that I wasn’t sure which way to run the answer.
As you are reading this, my husband Kevin and I are on our way back from our honeymoon! As for any couple who is getting ready to get married, the time getting ready is so exciting and you both want everything to be perfect, whether it is a small wedding or big wedding.
Brides and grooms are known to lose weight and get in shape just for this special occasion. I look at myself (quite seasoned in the marriage department.)
This time around, I’ve spent lots of beauty time for hair, make-up and hands and feet. It is a shame that we don’t treat ourselves sometimes “just because.”
So here is where I am going with this answer ó was your wife heavier when you met her and proposed to her? Is she maybe just back to her normal size?
Lots of times that happens but the husbands ó and in some cases wives ó just remember the wedding pictures.
Or was she skinny and she now has gained weight? Did she have children? Has her blood pressure and/or cholesterol gone up? Has her energy level declined?
These are all questions which are very important to know how to start an exercise program and for you to know how to support your wife.
One thing is for sureópositive re-enforcement is the key!
Focus on her health and don’t point out women and say: That is how I want you to look. (Unless you want to sleep in the dog house!)
Help her to eat healthy so don’t have ice cream and tell her she can’t have it because she needs to lose weight. Go to the YMCA or health club with her and exercise beside her. Do something she likes ó like taking a Zumba class ó and she’ll be more likely to shoot some hoops with you.
Make it a joint effort with the emphasis on her health, not her size.
There are very unhealthy “skinny” people and very healthy “heavier” people out there.
Most of all, enjoy her as your lifelong partner spending wonderful time together.
It took a long time and many failures to finally find my soul mate … and I am enjoying every minute of it!

Ester Marsh is associate executive director of the J.F. Hurley Family YMCA. Contact her with health and fitness questions at 704-636-0111 or ehoeben@rowanymca.com.