Realistically, we know there’s nothing we can say that will make this day any easier for most of you. But in hopes of providing a moment or two of comic relief before you rush off to the Post Office, we offer the following:
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It’s tax time. I know this because I’m staring at documents that make no sense to me, no matter how many beers I drink.
ó Dave Barry
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Earlier today, the White House released President Bush’s tax return. Not surprisingly, under dependents, the president listed Iraq.
ó Conan O’Brien
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How is a mugger different from the Internal Revenue Service? Both take your money, but the mugger doesn’t make you fill out forms.
ó Jacob Sullum in “Reason”
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Taxation with representation ain’t so hot either.
ó Gerald Barzan
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Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what’s called a red flag. That’s something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That’s a red flag.
ó Jay Leno
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Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose you more money than any single person in your life, with the possible exception of your kids.
ó Harvey Mackay
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In general, the art of government consists in taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other.
ó Voltaire (1764)
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The invention of the teenager was a mistake. Once you identify a period of life in which people get to stay out late but don’t have to pay taxes, naturally, no one wants to live any other way.
ó Judith Martin (“Miss Manners”)
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Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.
ó James Bovard
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Tax reform is taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and putting taxes on things that haven’t been taxed before.
ó Art Buchwald
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I have always paid income tax. I object only when it reaches a stage when I am threatened with having nothing left for my old age ó which is due to start next Tuesday or Wednesday.
ó Noel Coward
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There may be liberty and justice for all, but there are tax breaks only for some.
ó Martin A. Sullivan
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The Internal Revenue Code is about 10 times the size of the Bible ó and unlike the Bible, contains no good news.
ó Don Rickles