• 46°

Editorial: In fine form for April 15

Realistically, we know there’s nothing we can say that will make this day any easier for most of you. But in hopes of providing a moment or two of comic relief before you rush off to the Post Office, we offer the following:
– – –
It’s tax time. I know this because I’m staring at documents that make no sense to me, no matter how many beers I drink.
ó Dave Barry
– – –
Earlier today, the White House released President Bush’s tax return. Not surprisingly, under dependents, the president listed Iraq.
ó Conan O’Brien
– – –
How is a mugger different from the Internal Revenue Service? Both take your money, but the mugger doesn’t make you fill out forms.
ó Jacob Sullum in “Reason”
– – –
Taxation with representation ain’t so hot either.
ó Gerald Barzan
– – –
Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what’s called a red flag. That’s something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That’s a red flag.
ó Jay Leno
– – –
Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose you more money than any single person in your life, with the possible exception of your kids.
ó Harvey Mackay
– – –
In general, the art of government consists in taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other.
ó Voltaire (1764)
– – –
The invention of the teenager was a mistake. Once you identify a period of life in which people get to stay out late but don’t have to pay taxes, naturally, no one wants to live any other way.
ó Judith Martin (“Miss Manners”)
– – –
Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.
ó James Bovard
– – –
Tax reform is taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and putting taxes on things that haven’t been taxed before.
ó Art Buchwald
– – –
I have always paid income tax. I object only when it reaches a stage when I am threatened with having nothing left for my old age ó which is due to start next Tuesday or Wednesday.
ó Noel Coward
– – –
There may be liberty and justice for all, but there are tax breaks only for some.
ó Martin A. Sullivan
– – –
The Internal Revenue Code is about 10 times the size of the Bible ó and unlike the Bible, contains no good news.
ó Don Rickles

Comments

Comments closed.

High School

North Rowan romps into second round of football playoffs

Nation/World

FBI had interviewed former FedEx employee who killed eight

Crime

Gastonia man sentenced for crash into restaurant that killed his daughter, daughter-in-law

Nation/World

Some call for charges after video of police shooting 13-year-old in Chicago

Business

State unemployment rate falls to 5.2% in March

Coronavirus

NASCAR approach to virus vaccine varies greatly

News

Judge rejects Cherokee challenge against new casino in Kings Mountain

Elections

Jackson tops NC Senate fundraising; Walker coffers also full

Local

Kiwanis Pankcake Festival serves thousands of flapjacks for charity

Coronavirus

Rowan remains in state’s middle, yellow tier for COVID-19 community spread

Crime

Blotter: Man faces sexual exploitation charge for images on Instagram

News

Defendant convicted in attempted murder case on the run after fleeing from trial

Business

Downtown Gateway Building to be renamed for late Paul Fisher

Coronavirus

Rowan County COVID-19 data for April 15

Local

Rep. Warren’s bill would prohibit parking in electric vehicle charging stations

Local

Historic Preservation Commission approves Integro Technologies expansion, Paint the Pavement project

Education

Faith Academy, RSS will negotiate over what goes, stays in elementary school

Crime

Teacher killed in Alamance County shootout with Mexican drug cartel

Coronavirus

Bill would give more tax breaks on COVID-19 loans

Nation/World

No response as divers knock on capsized ship’s hull

Local

Quotes of the week

Crime

Blotter: Man found on church property with litany of drugs

Crime

Man charged in connection to 2019 overdose death

Business

‘It’s our big time’: Salisbury Farmers Market reopens Saturday