Years ago, I lived by myself in a small efficiency in a historic apartment house. I worked at a job I especially liked. This was as a trailer donation attendant at Goodwill.† But it was all relative. I had lost my marriage, my house, and my family had estranged themselves from me.
The first domino to fall was my employer who temporarily cut back my hours by more than one half. I had trouble ó as in I couldnít ó meet my fixed expenses, like rent and electricity.† Then my last car broke ó I had two jalopies ó and I couldnít afford to fix either one. My hours resumed but I had cash flow problems that wouldnít resolve for a whole additional month. I ran out of bus fare and couldnít get to work. My pay was docked and I was charged with unexcused absences.
I sat on my bed and took an accounting. I had no friends nor accessible family. I had two broken cars, but that was OK, because I had no job to go to anymore. I had no money and was about to lose my apartment.
Emotionally, I was lonely and afraid. My apartment was on the top floor and for no good reason I stiff-legged down three flights of stairs and out on the ground floor.†
I looked around and saw the trees in bloom as part of the cityscape with people in the distance and squirrels in the foreground.
Suddenly I felt all this love go through me. It was the most wonderful feeling I ever had in my life.
I did make it through this crisis and ran into a number of others in my changing life. I just hope that beautiful consolation of love will rescue me when thereís nothing else left.
†
Hugh Deadwyler lives in Salisbury.