My husband was telling me about a new product he wanted to try, something called Chelada. I was intrigued until I found out that Chelada is made of Budweiser beer, clam juice and tomato juice. Sounds about as good as a meatball sundae. No, a meatball sundae sounds better.
Purely for entertainment, I decided to dig up other strange products, and here is some of what I found.
n Wedgie-proof underwear. I think some little boys would probably define utopia as a world without wedgies. In the meantime, there’s The Rip-Away 1000 ó underwear designed by two 8-year-old boys. Made of two pieces, the underwear is bound with velcro so that when Nelson Muntz grabs the waistband of your skivvies, the decoy piece rips away. Ha-ha! It’s kind of reminiscent of those lizards that have tails that break off as a mechanism to defend against predators, otherwise known as nature’s bullies .
n Gas neutralizer. There’s no polite way to describe what the product called “Subtle Butt” is, so here goes. It’s activated charcoal pads that adhere to underwear and filter and neutralize flatulence. Presumably, if you go forth wearing this product, you can eat all the blooming onion you want and still be welcome in polite company. At www.garmentguard.com
n A stainless steel lollipop. Called the Zilopop, this is another product that addresses smelliness. Marketed by Charlotte-based Frieling USA, it’s a metal lollipop that you suck on in order to freshen your breath. If it works, it’s because in conjunction with moisture, stainless steel neutralizes odors. This actually makes sense to me because I know that to get odors like garlic off your hands you can rub your fingers under running water on something made of stainless steel. Could sucking on a stainless steel spoon work just as well as a $13 Zilopop? And would sucking on anything work if you’ve just eaten a Hap’s hotdog? At www.frieling.com
nThe P-mate. This disposable cardboard product is for women who occasionally feel the need to urinate like a man. This could be just the ticket for women who’d rather not risk squatting in poison ivy while camping, or who don’t want to hover precariously over a filthy toilet seat (which often means leaving it even nastier for the rest of us). At www.pmateusa.com.
nThe CatBib. Just as you’d suspect, this is a bib for cats, but it’s not to protect your snookums from his Fancy Feast ó it’s to protect birds from your snookums, who has never lost the heart of a ruthless predator. The lightweight neoprene device hangs from your kitty’s collar and inhibits his stealth ability. Your neighborhood birds will sing for joy. At www.catgoods.com.
n The Brake-Fast Dog Food Bowl. Does your dog eat so fast he’s finished before you can even step away from the bowl? This bowl is designed with three rubber prongs that slow down the rate at which your greedy canine can scarf down dinner. The practical reason for this product is that it prevents GDV (Gastric Dilatation/Volvulus), a potentially life-threatening condition. At www.brake-fast.net.
n Ring4Freedom. Would you pay $29.95 a year to be rescued from an interminable conversation with someone who just won’t leave your workspace? This is a Web-based service that rings your cell or landline phone when you click the icon or press CTRL-D, which sends a signal over the Internet to Ring4Freedom’s server, which then places the call. Let freedom ring! At www.ring4freedom.com.n Baby dangler. It’s actually the Babykeeper, but baby dangler describes it better. This product lets a mom strap baby to a lavatory door ó the baby is hanging safely from a harness ó so she can do what she needs to do, hands free. At www.mommy sentials.com. Contact Katie Scarvey at 704-797-4270 or kscarvey@salisburypost.com.