Have makeup, will appear in public

Published 12:00 am Wednesday, January 10, 2007

This week, I started watching Good Morning America as I was putting on my usual shellac of makeup for my morning ritual, and something happened.

I felt guilty.

This never happens to me, especially when I’m putting on makeup. Makeup is something to be celebrated, for if it weren’t for makeup, everyone that walked into my office would turn around and run out again, screaming loudly.

I do NOT leave the house without makeup, even if it’s to go grocery shopping. Drives my husband nuts that it takes me much longer to get ready than it does him. I blame Hillary (just a fun little term a couple of friends came up with — don’t get your panties in a wad).

Makeup is the glue that holds this country together. Men, you don’t really want to see your wife without makeup. Let her put it on before you go grocery shopping.

Anyway, back to GMA. I was watching it and one of the segments was on glamour addiction. Trying to watch television while smearing mascara on your lower lashes and looking to the left corner of the room is no fun, but it can be done.

This lady on the program went an entire week without her makeup — and videotaped it for national television. She surely can’t live in the South. It’s a southern tradition for women to put on lipstick when they go out to get the mail. I’d swear it on my tube of Ho-Red Revlon.

Even the reporter, poor little thing, had a picture taken of herself before she was prettied up by the artists working for GMA.

I won’t be doing that for my readers. Sorry guys. I don’t wear that much makeup, but what’s there is much beloved.

However, this little segment got me to thinking about my own glamour addiction. Makeup is like crack, I swear it is.

My niece Jakey has the most beautiful skin in the world. Huge, gorgeous eyes and pretty much the world’s most perfectly pink lips.

However, once she starts wearing makeup on a daily basis like the rest of us self-respecting southern women, she’s going to find her skin changing colors on her and her lips going white. Her eyes will start to look smaller and her hair will look lackluster, causing her to want to get highlights, which will only further ruin her natural beauty.

She will thus become a glamour addict, never leaving the house without a coat of mascara, a hint of blush (i.e., the whole pink pan) and that smear of bubble gum pink lip gloss (until she gets to the real world, where more professional colors like Ho-Red are widely accepted).

I don’t honestly think that her skin will change colors — mine certainly hasn’t (yet) — but her mind will play that trick on her, causing her to want to use more and more makeup. You women out there who use makeup know exactly what I’m talking about. Glamour addiction leads to more and more makeup applied to the face until you don’t have a face anymore, just a powered, polished canvas.

Oh, how I love art.

Joanie Morris is editor of the Kannapolis Citizen. She can be reached at 704-932-3336 or ordering another tube of mascara from Avon.