Presidential contenders

are out of the bullpen for ’08

With the mid-term elections over and the Democrats on a wobbly roll, a herd of presidential wanna-bes is stampeding out of the political bullpen.

The Dems have a fresh young rookie in Barack Obama, the junior senator from Illinois. Is America ready for a president whose name sounds like Osama you-know-who?

Massachusetts Sen. John Kerry may as well hit the showers. This hoity-toity blue-blood Boston Brahmin has proved an embarrassment to himself and the Democratic Party. No joking!

Democrats could throw a backdoor slider with Al “Global Warming” Gore. He is no longer depressed; has shaved his beard; and has been hired by Great Britain as an environmental consultant. Gore could disappear into a genetic carbon dioxide sink hole, though, if he proves to be like his celebrated relative: the irrepressibly cynical octogenarian novelist Gore Vidal.

Then there’s former N.C. Sen. John “Babyface” Edwards. Ahead of the caucuses, he has been in Iowa so many times he must be paying taxes out there. Edwards is the richest poor-ol’ populist I have seen run for president.

Standing strong on the mound is N.Y. Sen. Hillary “The Rod” Clinton. They say behind every great woman stands a man; in this case, “Big Bill” Clinton. She won re-election with more than 60 percent of the vote. She spent almost $30 million against a 30-cent Republican.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not against a woman president. Former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher was one tough cookie. Queen Elizabeth I was no shrinking violet. If a head needed to be lopped off, she signed the order.

I fantasize Clinton announcing her presidential intentions by echoing the famous words of Lady Macbeth: ” ‘Unsex me here’, as I ‘screw your courage to the sticking place.’ ”

Wow! What a sound bite that would be!

— Bill Fesperman

China Grove