Throughout history, depending on where a generation is with regards to Americans serving in an active military conflict, the way we honor our military changes. At times we are intensely patriotic and at others we are more passive, and that’s understandable. When we are in the middle of a fight, sure, we are front and center aware of the importance of soldiers. When we are not, it is easier to be distracted by our everyday lives.

But this Monday is Memorial Day, designed to honor not just soldiers but those that have paid the full price of life, and I can’t help thinking every year that it’s not just for backyard barbecues and beach trips, though I don’t begrudge those.

But it is a day for more sober reflection and appreciation, at least in my book. Both my dad and my father-in-law had military service, with my father-in-law seeing far more active duty than my own dad, though fortunately both finished their service and went on to live full lives. But not everyone was so fortunate. For so many, their service was their last job, their last moment, their last memory.

And I think it’s important to take a day to recognize that.

And the history of the day isn’t quite as straightforward as we sometimes think.

Memorial Day started as something a bit different. It was initially known as Decoration Day and was observed on May 30 and the first national one was observed in 1868. Originally proclaimed by a commander of the Grand Army of the Republic to honor Union soldiers who died in the Civil War, and there are debates about who first observed it. But the National Cemetery Association has credited Mary Ann Williams with starting and promoting the idea of putting flowers on the graves of all Civil War soldiers, Union and Confederate.

New York was the first state to recognize the day as an official holiday in 1873, and by 1890, every Union state had adopted it officially, and with the advent of the two World Wars, the day became a remembrance for all members of the military who died in the line of duty.

In 1968, Congress changed the date of the memorial observance to the last Monday in May, and in 1971, they changed the name to “Memorial Day.”

Veterans Day, which falls on Nov. 11 each year, is another official U.S. holiday but honors all those who have served in the U.S. Armed Forces, living or deceased.

So Monday is a bit more serious, in my book, because it recognizes not every soldier, but those who gave everything they had.

So many have been left to wonder what would have been, of husbands, fathers, sons, brothers, and in time wives, sisters, mothers. Those left behind get a few belongings, some memories, and a lot of what ifs, and a nation that should be grateful and should show it, but doesn’t always.

Services available to our veterans and their survivors are never enough, though I know the Department of Veterans Affairs does a lot with what they have. But we so quickly forget, once the fight is over, what so many have given, and we don’t always do completely right by the families left behind.

So, the least we can do is, on one day set aside specifically for it, is make sure we pay homage to the men and women who have died for others.

Flags will be placed at national cemeteries, often by members of Boy Scout troops, sometimes by veterans groups, and even by some local organizations not affiliated with the military in any way, but just because they feel called to do it. They are often placed early in the morning so the flags are out all day.

You don’t have to get up early on a holiday to go put flags out. And you don’t have to spend all day remembering. You can still have the time for barbecues and family gatherings and beach trips.

But I don’t think it’s over the top to say, at some time during the day, that we should each take a moment and offer thanks. If you have half a hour to walk through a local cemetery and seek out the graves of veterans, take a moment to stop and reflect on where their sacrifice has brought us and others around the world. So many conflicts would have created a much different world had the outcomes been different, and American soldiers often made the difference.

And if you answer with conflicts, like Vietnam, that didn’t go “our way,” all I will say is they went anyway, they offered themselves up because their country called them to and they answered, they obeyed. Even if they disagreed, they went, and they did all that was asked of them and they deserve our gratitude and our respect.

It’s one day out of your year, one day out of the life that many of us are blessed to be living with freedom of choices, thanks to their sacrifices.

That’s not too much to ask.

Elisabeth Strillacci covers crime, courts, Spencer, East Spencer and Kannapolis for the Salisbury Post.