Whitey Harwood’s From the Wood Shed: Hey mister, would you give me a dollar?

Published 12:00 am Sunday, December 25, 2022

In November it was all about giving thanks. In December it’s all about just giving. Well, I missed most of November because my typist took sick and was laid-up for over a month. She’s better now, and I’m thankful for that.

So here it is Christmas and time to give. I’m gonna try to give the readers of the Salisbury Post something to smile about and try to give the smellers a good whiff of something.

Paris Goodnight’s story, “Handing Over Cash” (Dec. 4) made me think of another story about a dollar. Many years ago, before dollar stores, we had dime stores. A dollar would buy a lot back then.

So this social worker was walking the sidewalks of Salisbury when a roof-less man stopped him and said, “Hey mister, would you give me a dollar for a sandwich?” And the social worker said, “I don’t know. I’d have to see the sandwich first.”

Back to November, I was like the meat cutter that backed into the meat grinder. We both got a little behind in our work. I’ll do my thanking now.

I want to thank Debbie Suggs Catering for a fine meal she prepared for Veterans Day. It was delicious, and I was most thankful for it.

Let me thank my brother Jeff for getting me out of the trailerhood twice a week. We go to the VA on Wednesday and to the H/T on Sunday.

I have five reasons to be thankful for going to the VAMC. Their names are Cassi, Katherine, Nicole, Sharon C. and Sharon J., plus Regina.

I have four more reasons to be thankful for shopping at my Harris-Teeter store. Their names are Amy P., Jennifer J., Milan P. and Steve L.

The ones I named from the VAMC are my Special Team of Caregivers. And, the ones from Harris Teeter are my Excellence Team. Without them I would be doing my shopping somewhere else. For healthcare and groceries.

I want to thank each and every one of you for the great job you do and for being nice all the time.

I’m very thankful I know the difference between Veterans Day and Memorial Day. So please, on May 29, 2023, all you people that mean well, don’t call me and say, “Thank you for your service.”

Fact of the business, don’t call me on Saturday, Nov. 11, 2023 either. I’m a veteran 365 days a year, not just one day out of the year.

I’m thankful for the Salisbury Post, especially when it hits the driveway and not the ditch.

That picture of the RoCo Building (Nov. 13) lit up in green was nice. It reminded me of a story Jerry Clower told when he said, “She had on so much green eye shadow, I thought her gallbladder had busted.”

I’m thankful that Ronnie Smith realized he’s not speaking, or writing, on behalf of all RoCo veterans. Some of us can still think and speak for ourselves.

While I’m on the subject (veterans), let me say this: We all have the VAMC. We all get a nice discount from Ralph Baker’s Shoes and Simply Good. Most veterans I know get some sort of a check every month, so we don’t need any more green lights or waste. All we need or require is a little respect.

I’m very thankful that I know it’s wrong to embezzle, drive drunk and to accept a trophy for something you didn’t do!

I’m thankful I can tell time and do simple arithmetic, unlike some people I could name.

I’m thankful that some people have big dreams and get excited over snowflakes and falling stars. I have nightmares about booby-traps and mortar attacks and get excited when a firecracker goes off around me.

I’m thankful the trains quit blowing their horns. I wish the fire trucks would do the same at the Christmas parades.

I’m thankful when someone tells me a joke. Did you hear about the cannibal that passed the bicycle rider out in the woods?

I’m thankful some folks retired from RoCo. But I can’t understand why they didn’t connect the dots in all those years of service. Let me connect some of the now. PMS jokes are not funny. Period. Releasing balloons is littering. Period. See how easy that was?

I’m also overwhelmed with how much and how many things another retiree accomplished. Just imagine what he could have done if his hands hadn’t been tied. We would certainly have R-rated movies in the RoCo Library by now.

I’m thankful that some folks get their answers from the Bible, that’s the KJV, while others get theirs from following the money. I like to get most of mine listening to country music.

We lost two of the greatest this year, Loretta Lynn and Jerry Lee Lewis. I’m thankful that I have a lot of their music so they can live on in memory.

So, from Jerry Lee, till we meet again in “Another Place, Another Time,” and from Loretta and myself, we wish all of you “Happy Birthday, Merry Christmas, and a Happy, Happy New Year.”

Keep on Smilin’.

Whitey Harwood lives in Rowan County.