Time was, jokes were funny. Not stupid, demeaning, racist, dirty or presidential, but just plain downright hilarious.

And short.

What did the fish say when he ran into a wall? “Dam.”

Humorous, from the humerus, or funny bone, which is not funny when you hit it.

What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One’s a little lighter.

Little Lulu was a little bit funny.

Clowns have gotten a bad makeover lately. At the circus, more clowns could come out of a car than the candidates for county offices.

What did one cannibal clown say to the other? Does this taste funny to you?

Clowns come in bunches like bananas. Jokes come when times are bad. Slapstick, minstrel shows and even womanless weddings provided entertainment after the Depression. People love to make fun of people. Some have talent for it, others fail miserably, and that’s no joke.

Too many jokes start with “A man walked into a bar.” A horse walked into a bar, and the bartender said, “Why the long face?”

A jumper cable walked into a bar, and the bartender said, “Just don’t start anything in here.” One was something about a rope being a frayed knot.

Our resident comic book aficionado, H.N. Fairley III, instructs us the the first comic strip, “The Yellow Kid,” was printed in the New York Herald in 1896. Marvel printed Red Robin in only one issue in 1937, followed soon thereafter by the Human Torch, which preceded Marvel Comics’ superheroes and a few perverted ones today.

LOL is only on your keyboard. When’s the last time you had a real gut-wrenching belly laugh, or even a laughed-so-hard-thought-you-could-die moment?

We always idolized the funniest couple in the class annual. Comedians were just bad actors. Dean Martin: “Did you take a bath this morning?” Jerry Lewis: “Is one missing?”

Jokes were called that in 1670, and the word “humor” came from cardinal fluids in your body that fed your temperament. Here’s a test: How does the man in the moon cut his hair? Eclipses it.

Why did the melons get married? Because they cantaloupe. What did the shoe say to the pants? “What up, britches?” Did you hear about the butcher who backed into a fan? He got a little behind in his work. What did the librarian say when books fell off the shelf? “I’ve only got my shelf to blame.”

Hear about the man allergic to mayonnaise? They sent him to the Mayo Clinic.

More fun than a barrel of monkeys.

The best jokes are the ones that unexpectedly turn out to be double entendre — “a word or expression capable of two interpretations, with one often having a risque connotation.”

If you’re American before you go into the bathroom and when you come out, what are you while in the bathroom? European.

What’s that funny smell? Is it onions at Hap’s, the ghost of Bamby and Bill’s bakeries, Bounce dryer sheets from laundromats all over town? Or the sweet smell of success downtown?

If you see one buzzard, something might be dead, but if you see lots of buzzards something is dead. It’s a pungent smell of people who can’t smell the roses for looking down their noses.

“And who knoweth whether to be a wise man or fool?” Ecclesiastes 2:19.

What’s in a honeymoon salad? Lettuce alone.

So, be careful who you make fun of. What if the last text you sent was to be used for your epitaph or your tombstone? Would it be fitting? Would you be remembered for it?

Laugh, and the world laughs with you.

Clyde is a Salisbury artist.