For Sleep and Pumpkin Pie

This Thanksgiving season I’m grateful for things I’ve never thought to be thankful for. It has never occurred to me to be thankful for nose hair until chemo scorched it all away. Slowly it’s starting to grow back. Now the liquid in my head doesn’t pour forth unabated as it has for the past six months. That’s a good thing. The hair on my head is starting to come back as well. I’m so thankful for that. For years I’ve complained about my fuzzy red head. No more. If some glad morning I wake to find the gaps filled in nicely I shall be forever grateful.

I’m thankful for taste buds that have started to rehydrate. Yesterday I had a patty melt and I liked it! Grilled onions and melted cheese on a hamburger with rye bread… yum! What a blessing to taste food again. Anything sweet still tastes funky, but maybe by Thanksgiving my mouth will be ready to appreciate pumpkin pie.

I’m thankful for strength. I’ve hardly left the house in months except for doctor appointments and chemo treatments. Saturday and we went to Lowes with a thousand of our closest friends. I figured I’d need to wait in the truck while David fetched the goods. Instead I was able to go in and shop the garden area without fear of keeling over. Strength is a wonderful thing. I felt like a real girl again traipsing around the pansies all willy-nilly.

I’m thankful for a mostly clear mind. I’ve been in a chemo fog for months but suddenly I can tell I’m getting back to myself again. The terrible cloud of depression has finally lifted and I think I might live to tell about it. The regimen of strong medication has been completed and the terrible anxiety is less with each day. We are so fearfully and wonderfully made. So when a boatload of poison is dumped into our system our bodies can have strange responses and generally toss anything we dare to consume. Our minds and hearts forget the things we know to be true. Sleep won’t come, though we stare at the darkness and pray for every person we know and some we don’t. But last night, I slept! What a great blessing!

I’m thankful for compassionate people who continually check on us and sympathize that our world is upside down. David and I have been through some stuff in our forty-two years of marriage. We’re like that Farmers Insurance commercial. We know a thing or two because we’ve seen a thing or two. However, we have never been through anything like this. I have no doubt that we will emerge more compassionate. I sure hope so. Compassion is a beautiful thing.

And believe it or not, I’m thankful for the last six months. I can’t honestly say I’m thankful for cancer. Too many dear people have been taken from us because of it. But I am thankful for the things we have learned. It’s one thing to have faith that God will keep you safe in a storm because you read it on Facebook. It’s a whole ‘nother to experience it firsthand.

When the waves are up to your nose and you have to bounce on tippy toes just to catch your breath; when your body is so weak you can’t take another step, but your bowels demand that you hurry; when a dark cloud of depression grips your soul with so much fear that all you can manage is to let the tears pour freely; when your prayers are reduced to silence before the One Who has promised to never leave, now that’s a real storm!

Dear friend, He doesn’t need our words. He sees the anguish of our soul and draws us close to His heart. Then after a while, which may seem like an eternity, He remains faithful and we come out on the other side. “Peace be still,” He commands and the storm is quieted. Then we wake one morning from a restful sleep with a hankering for pumpkin pie.

For that I am abundantly thankful.

Lynna Clark lives in Salisbury. Read more at Lynna’s Wonderful Life at wordpress.com