Linda Beck: Mad or bad, sad or glad
What kind of mood was I in this time?
I experienced several moods: mad, bad, sad, and glad. Well, after falling twice within a two-week period, I admit I was as mad as a mother bear when trying to protect her cubs! You might as well know, I was angry mad. More than anything, I was mad at myself!
But I was even a little mad at God. After all, I had prayed for a summer filled with sitting in my beautiful yard in the shade with a comfortable breeze blowing. I had wanted to watch my flowers bloom and listen to the birds sing. I had prayed long and hard for another summer in my little dollhouse.
Falling and breaking my leg was not the answered prayer I had wanted or expected. Why God, what did I do wrong this time? I was not careless; I just got dizzy for some unknown reason and ended up trapped on the floor in great pain!
You better believe I was sad! I was sad immediately because I didn’t know for sure how bad the injuries would be. For two weeks, I remained sad. I was sad because I HURT! (My right leg was broken in two places and the cast was so heavy. I couldn’t take care of myself until the cast was off.) I was sad because I knew I would miss August at home (also missed September…69 days in hospital and Trinity Oaks.) I’m still sad because I didn’t get to take any “selfies” with my flowers while they were in bloom.
But now the “Pollyanna” in me would like to present to you the things I can be glad about. I’m glad that only a few days before the second fall, I had signed up with Medical Alert. I’m glad that in spite of the pretzel-shaped position which I ended up in, I was able to hit the alert button. I’m glad that God was healing my angry mood at the same time the physical healing got underway.
I’m glad for the loving kindness of all the nurses, CNA’s, and doctors who were there to take care of me. I’m glad that Medicare and the secondary insurance premiums which I pay are enabling me to continue being financially responsible. I’m especially glad for family, friends, and neighbors who are there for me and offer their help freely and willingly.
God used other patients and readers to build up my personal esteem through their compliments and encouragement to continue writing stories about living with disability. I’m glad God has given me stories to share that may help others be glad in their own sad situations! And, THANK GOD that the injuries were not worse. They certainly could have been!
There is a little verse that I have used on a lot of the cards I make and I thought it would close this article appropriately: “just when the caterpillar (me) thought the world was over, it (me) became a BUTTERFLY” and I flew away home.