By David McDowell

Special to the Post

Planning a wedding has been one of the more difficult things that I have had to tackle in my life. The issue hasn’t come from the decisions that we’re making, it’s the fact of having to deal with the emotions behind the decisions. Choosing who to invite has become one of the most contentious aspects of the process.

As Jeanie said in her article, my family is a traditionally large baby boomer family. My dad is one of four, and my cousins have grown and began to have multiple children of their own. On my mom’s side, she is one of five, and my cousins are just starting to have children of their own, meaning toddlers and infants will be present.

Jeanie’s family, on the other hand, is about half the size. On her mom’s side, Jeanie is one of two grandchildren. On her dad’s side, there are a few more aunts, uncles and cousins to account for.

When we first went through our lists, I realized just how much I have been blessed with so many people in my life that made a genuine impact. I could tell the same went for Jeanie.

After splitting out the attendants for the wedding into their respective sides, it became clear that whether we split the invites into thirds, or even just halves, that I would not be able to invite anyone outside of my family and groomsmen. On the other hand, Jeanie was able to add people to her list because she babysat them when she was 14.

Seeing the obvious disparity, and adding in the significant people in her parents’ life, Jeanie and I talked about various ways to make it work.

Jeanie should get all of the credit for our solution as she suggested to separate families in attendance into a list of “automatically invited.”  After that, we took the remaining open spots and split them into thirds between Jeanie, her parents and myself.

Once we found out how many we can invite, which I believe was 28, picking those individuals was the next hurdle.

For me, I started with the people that were essentially family but not blood related. For instance, my mom’s best friend, Jenn, has been involved so much with our family over the past several years that she comes to almost every family function. There was no hesitation to put her and her family on my list to make sure they were there.

When looking at my college experience, it was a miracle I even graduated. My first year was rough, and it was the faculty and staff that rallied around me, helped me adjust and get back on track. Without these people, I would not be the man I am today, so I felt it was important to invite them to see me take that next step in life.

As my reasoning and logic continued from there, I went through my list quickly and still had probably 30 names left over. After review and review, I kept trimming the list down, but I’m still struggling with deciding on several people. Hopefully, by the time we send out the invitations I will have figured it out. Until then, pray for my sanity.