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Lynna Clark: Eau de Splendid

She took my breath away. Really. I couldn’t breathe because her perfume sucked the life from my nostrils. The smiling young waitress stood by our booth telling us about the specials of the day or that the kitchen was on fire or something. I could not hear because her fragrance was so loud. Usually I have a heart for waitstaff as I too was employed at a very busy restaurant in south Florida while I struggled to fund my college adventure. Therefore one of the things I love about my husband is that no matter how poor we are he always tips big. But this time I wondered if we’d make it to the end of the night without hurling.

With my face buried in the menu as if trying to block the waves exuding from our host, ugly thoughts entered my brain. “Good grief girl! Who told you that is pleasant? You remind me of some grandma who can’t smell anymore so she DOES smell of mounds of blossoms that could be pleasant in a much lesser dosage.”

Oh wait. That was ME only a little while back. One of my very fashionable daughters gave me fragrance which I loved. I entered a family gathering floating on a cloud of eau de splendid only to hear, “Holy cow mama! What is that smell?!!”

“It’s the cologne YOU gave me sweet daughter of mine!”

“Well I didn’t expect you to wear the whole bottle all at once!”

How embarrassing! I had no idea my olfactory senses had dulled as bad as my eyesight. Dollar store reading glasses can only fix so much. I dropped the cologne in the trash and have never been tempted to stink it up again.

Annyyywayyy… back to the restaurant. Did I tell you the waitress was serving seafood? Wafting o’er her fragrance of Roses from Gehenna was the wonderful aroma of fried catfish. The night just kept getting better. I wondered if David noticed all the havoc being made in the air surrounding us. If he did he said nothing at all about it. And of course he tipped her nicely.

The lesson was strong that night… really really strong. Fragrance, like talk, is best received in small doses.

So I’ll stop talking now lest once again I stink it up.

Except for maybe a prayer…

“Lord help that girl have a daughter one day who is wise enough to say to her mom, ‘HOLY COW MAMA! WHAT’S THAT SMELL?!’ And Lord please deliver those in her presence in the meantime. May their night end without hurling. Amen.”

 

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