The quiet town of Spencer is still likely trying to process the tragic death of Toney Ann Johnson, a 34-year-old mother killed by her ex-husband late last week.

Johnson was found in the yard between the Fourth Street home where she lived with her parents and son and another home. Officials have still not said how she was killed, but court records show the relationship took a tumultous turn in the last few years prior to their January divorce. The court records show several occasions where Wallace was charged after shoving Johnson, stalking her and made threats to kill her. Johnson’s family will say a final goodbye to her Wednesday during her funeral.

Johnson did exactly what crisis experts suggest — she filed protective orders commonly known to many as 50-B papers, which bar contact with a victim and perpetrator.

A 50-B is essentially a restraining order and gets its name from the chapter and section is falls under the state General Statute. Unfortunately, in Johnson’s case the protective order didn’t protect her. Johnson’s murder is the first domestic violence related death this year in Rowan County.

Statistics show that every day in the United States, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends. Johnson’s death just shows that domestic violence doesn’t just occur when we choose to bring more heightened awareness to it in October when it’s observed, but it can happen to anyone, at any time.

The Family Crisis Council of Rowan County provides shelter, court advocacy, group counseling sessions and hospital accompaniment to women and men who have been victims of rape, sexual assault, incest and domestic violence. They’ve served 874 clients in the first quarter of this year.

Executive Director Renee Bradshaw said there have been 22 domestic violence related deaths in North Carolina so far, Johnsons’ death is but one. Her death is one too many.

She could not say whether Johnson had received services from Family Crisis Council, but representatives from Family Crisis Council did go to Spencer and offered assistance to the family, Bradshaw said because the agency has connections with the police department.

Bradshaw believes possibly what Johnson had been doing was working, but somehow there was a disconnect and something happened.

“You never know the mindset of these guys. It’s something you always have fear of,” she said.

Bradshaw encourages women in abusive relationships to have a safety plan in place. The plan could be as simple as who to call and where to go if the situation escalates.

Over the years I’ve met survivors of domestic violence, many of whom told me they stayed out of fear or they didn’t think they could survive on their own. Others never had a plan, they just ran.

Often women stay, experts tell me, because some feel as though they don’t have any other place to go and others believe they’ll be condemned by their family, friends or the community. Some are simply so afraid no one will believe them or they’ll be killed while trying to leave.

To me, abuse is not about anything that makes sense, but it is all about power. It’s the power one person can hold over the other through intimidation, emotional control, violence, money, sex and likely in other ways I have not named. Some abusers even threaten to take the children. I only know that according to court records, Johnson said her ex-husband threatened to take their son and hide him from her. Many women would go the ends of the earth for their children and some might even stay with an abuser if they felt it would keep their child alive.

But Bradshaw said there is help and women don’t have to stay with their abusers. Relocating is a good idea to consider, she said, and representatives at the Family Crisis Council have helped women relocate to other counties and states in order to escape their abusers.

Bradshaw also encourages bystanders to not just stand by while the abuse occurs. Spencer Police have not identified who called 911, but some neighbors I talked to the day Johnson was killed said they heard screaming, but I’m not entirely sure they all thought to call for help.

Some of them told me they “don’t get involved in other people’s business” while others chalked it up to a simple argument.

“If you’re a bystander you can do something about it,” Bradshaw said.

She doesn’t endorse bystanders confronting an abuser, but she does advise them to call 911 or the crisis hotline.

Just think about it — every 9 seconds in the U.S. a woman is assaulted or beaten. Who could you help?

For more information about domestic violence or to seek help if you’re in a violent situation or relationship, contact the staff at the Family Crisis Council via a 24-hour hotline at 704-636-4718.

Contact reporter Shavonne Potts at 704-797-4253.