By David Freeze
For the Salisbury Post
A few weeks back, I had an idea to do a column on my own experience with online dating after hearing that as many as 20 percent of new marriages have their origin on the Internet.
My few attempts at meeting the right person were not very successful, though I will admit to enjoying the experience immensely. I am not sure that this perception came across in the column.
One thing is for sure, it was one of the most commented upon columns that I have done. Not only were the posted comments extremely detailed and numerous, but so were those as I went about my regular doings over the next few weeks.
When I stopped in at the Post newsroom shortly afterwards, most of the discussion was about the unexpected reaction to the column. So, here we go again, and I hope you enjoy it.
Those who commented online took time to write out long and very well done comments, something that is not always done. I will refer to some of these, and add a few from verbal and in person comments later. One of the responses said simply that I might not be the prize that I think I am. I don’t see myself as a prize at all, which would probably make a long column in itself. That was part of dilemma as I entered into online dating. E-Harmony requires answers to what seemed like 400 questions. By doing this, they put you inside a box and try to find the compatible person to venture into that box with you. There is extensive questioning about hobbies and interests. A few readers chastised me for being a little narrow-minded and uncompromising. That might be right, but the questions ask over and over about that subject, trying to get it right. One online commenter said, “We all have our likes and dislikes” and an online dater hopes to find the person who agrees with most of them. Other readers talked about their disappointments when a person represented themselves one way, when in truth they were clearly not.
Another online commenter said, “You don’t seem to have any trouble finding them, you must have trouble keeping them.” Still another said that the key to online dating was patience, and getting to know 15-25 women would have been better before I gave up after just three. Another called me brutally honest. That one is certainly true. I can’t conceive the thought of being dishonest through online dating or in person dates. If that is a fault, it will just have to be that way.
It amazed me how this column came up in conversation. My Meals on Wheels route, church and running classes were just some of the places.
Two online readers told me to get a dog, that they were the best companions. I have had a few dogs in my time, too, and I wholeheartedly agree that a good dog is wonderful. Granted, nobody is going to be perfect — me included — but certain things in a companion are just important. For the record, I once verbalized this by saying, “By the time we get older, my greatest hope is to find the woman who can sit on the front porch in another rocker while holding hands and talk about anything, or just be happy with a comfortable quietness together.” I still believe this to be the case.
A few of the commenters centered on my desire to find another runner, and thought that pursuit to be improper. I agree. My desire was to find a woman who is understanding and OK with my passion for fitness and health, and maybe a few quirky things not covered in this column. Most of the women in my life have been that way, and a good percentage became runners after being involved in other healthy hobbies or seeing what it has done for me. After all, it is certainly a way to spend quality time and do something good for yourself.
Believe it or not, a few of my friends will ask me for advice on starting or improving a relationship. A few have even asked how to attract the woman of their dreams. I don’t feel too qualified, but have had plenty of doses of reality and some good luck along the way. Maybe that is the best thing I can offer: an honest perspective of the good and bad things that I have experienced.
Another reader said, “We’ve all become too busy with our everyday lives. Legitimate dating sites have taken the place of extended family and friends who used to introduce couples.”
There were several very warm success stories posted online and shared in conversation. Therefore, there is no doubt online dating is here to stay. In the words that remind me of a Garth Brooks song, I’m just glad to have had the opportunity and that I danced.