Published 12:00 am Wednesday, December 2, 2009
I am trying to gather together words and ideas that express my feelings about getting older and possibly becoming infirm. Too often the subjects of infirmity and death have become topics that are ignored or deferred, sometimes too late. So I am attempting to address these issues and share my thoughts and wishes, hoping that my thoughts will inspire others to also address these issues with their families.
I have a will, a durable power of attorney, and a health care-proxy. I have signed a living will stating that I do not want to be kept alive, unconscious or in terrible pain, with no hope of recovery. But if my mind is still functioning, I want to experience as much of life as possible.
I want to continue to enjoy my children as friends. I hope to see even my youngest grandchildren (they are not yet 2 years old) grow to their teenage years. I want to share these “golden” years with same-age friends as we savor the joy of being together.
For 25 years, I have battled rheumatoid arthritis, having to accept the crooked fingers and diminished energy. My actions over the last four years, I hope, have demonstrated my will to persevere.
In September 2004, I fell and sustained a compression fracture of my eighth vertebra. As prescribed, I wore a metal brace for four months. In November 2004, my pelvis broke on its own. After two weeks in the hospital, I needed 24-hour help in the house and therapy at home.
I used a walker and even had oxygen for a short period. If this is necessary again, I trust I will have the courage to respond rationally. If I must accept help such as a wheelchair, I trust I can do it bravely.
In March 2006, I had a mild stroke. It affected my speech, which seems to have returned wonderfully.
The possibility of a major stroke is the most frightening part of my life.
In trying to take care of my health, I continue to exercise, read, and write, so I feel I am using knowledge from my past trials to assist me as I lose some of my independence. I hope I can adopt the bravado of one of my favorite morning prayers from the Book of Common Prayer.
“This is another day, O Lord. I know not what it will bring forth, but make me ready, Lord, for whatever it may be. If I am to stand up, help me to stand bravely. If I am to sit still, help me to sit quietly. If I am to lie low, help me to do it patiently. And if I am to do nothing, let me do it gallantly.”