What is that spark that says read this, do that, or do nothing right now? What drove me to T.S. Eliot this morning? Some of his lines tantalize, taking me deep into a state of mind that hovers between yesterday and tomorrow, telling me to enjoy the ambiguity and the memory.
The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock says,
Let us go then, you and I…
And indeed there will be time
To wonder, ‘Do I dare?’ And ‘Do I dare?’Each line recalls a time or thought, which seeps into my veins, infusing warm remembrances. Friends, spouse, family, we “did go” on trips, but now, will there be time to say I treasure you or to complete the artistic endeavors that excite my mind.
For I have known them all already, known them alló
Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons,
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons …
The shared cups of coffee, the friendship bonds watered for more than 60 years reflect back to the Inn at Sweet Briar, Peoples Drug Store in Washington, Krispy Kreme in Charlotte as well as in Salisbury, and College Bar-B-Cue. As I grow older, how do I know where to spend my remaining time?
“It is impossible to say just what I mean!”
Am I getting bolder in my old age or am I finally letting the “me” come out? It is definitely not a rejection of a person or an activity if I say No. It’s strictly a matter of choosing what I want to do with my time remaining. Because…
I grow old…I grow old…
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Monday, the 15th of October, during our conversation about my breathing difficulties of the summer, my lung doctor, Dr. Stewart Garner, implied I could no longer go to high altitudes such as Colorado. Would I dare stress my lungs and heart to go back to Santa Fe or the Grand Canyon? Even though I am old and cannot do a lot of activities that I did when I was young, how important is it to revisit places I love? Can pictures and memory suffice?
I am appreciating the clouds, their variety, the sunlit edges, painted bright yellow from the morning rays. Beautiful vistas are here in my own backyard to enjoy. Another quote from T.S. Eliot in Four Quartets:
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
These lines make me think about living back here in Salisbury. Thomas Wolfe wrote “You Can’t Go Home Again.” Yes I can, yes I have; this is Home! But my 20 years of living in Silver Spring, Maryland, Asheville and Charlotte have given me a deeper and richer appreciation of being back. The many good qualities that make my small hometown unique can rival appreciation of any large town today with the added convenience of being able to go from one side of town to another in a short time.nnn
I can’t leave T.S. Eliot. His simple words and phrases provoke such pleasure, instruction, and reassurance. Am I at the beginning or the end? Can I make my words be as important to anyone as his are to me? Every phrase contributes to the whole, immersing me in a mental world of pleasure.
What we call the beginning is often the end
And to make an end is to make a beginning.
The end is where we start from. And every phrase
And sentence that is right (where every word is at home,
Taking its place to support the others…
Every phrase and every sentence is an end and a beginning.
Every poem an epitaph…
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So I feel I am becoming a poem. I absorb T.S. Eliot’s words and in this world of words, I want to make my words be as important to someone as his are to me.