AIDS Quilt Panels Help Heal Pain, Loss

BY NATASHA ASHE
SALISBURY POST

The first time Betty Stoner saw the quilt panel that bears a likeness of her 3-year-old grandson, Christopher McCombs, her eyes teared and all she could say was: ‘‘Oh my goodness.’’

That was a trademark phrase of Christopher – before he died nearly two years ago of AIDS.

All nine Grace Lutheran Church Regional AIDS Interfaith Network (RAIN) team wanted to make sure the panel they made for their former partner, Christopher, was as special as he was to them.

The title of Christopher’s favorite song, ‘‘I Believe I Can Fly,’’ is neatly cut from print fabric and sewn meticulously across the top in a rainbow fashion.

A picture of Christopher, clearly displaying his innocence, serves as the centerpiece of the butter colored panel. Surrounding it is a sun encircled by rays and a rainbow, two symbols the Grace Lutheran Church RAIN team members say depict the youngsters’ high spirited character and uplifting smile.

‘‘What a beautiful smile that child had,’’ recalls RAIN member Susan Sloop.

The panel which bears little Christopher’s likeness will lovingly ‘‘fly’’ among others who died of the same disease this weekend in Charlotte.

Over 700 panels in memory of area people who died of AIDS/HIV, will hang as one beautiful quilt Friday and Saturday during the Many Faces of AIDS Memorial Quilt display in the Belk Gymnasium on the campus of UNC-Charlotte.

RAIN and UNC-Charlotte are sponsoring a portion of the national icon symbolizing people who have died of AIDS-related illnesses. Family members and friends who want to memorialize the lives of special people are bringing the panels, according to the Rev. Amy Brooks, regional program director for RAIN in Charlotte.

RAIN has served over 250 care partners – 150 have died. Brooks said the quilt not only memorializes those, but also serves as awareness and helps break through barriers.

‘‘It’s a wonderful way for people to work together and forget color. It helps heal the pain and the loss,’’ Brooks said. ‘‘The quilt sends a powerful message to the living and also to those loved ones left behind.’’

Three local church-based RAIN teams in Rowan made panels or squares to remember their partners. The teams are assigned to a person with the disease – full blown – to offer support and companionship to live out their last few weeks, months or years to the fullest.

Christopher McCombs

Once the Grace Lutheran RAIN group exhibited its panel for Stoner to see, memories of Christopher flooded the room. Laughs, giggles and even tears followed.

‘‘We could never tell him ‘‘no,’’ member Rhonda Hiskey added. ‘‘Whatever he wanted, you wanted him to have. He was such a sweet boy.’’

And that evening, each person present, reminisced about the small boy who touched their lives.

‘‘Christopher never met a stranger,’’ his grandmother said. ‘‘He was always comfortable with most people. And if he was comfortable, I was comfortable.’’

It didn’t take long for Christopher to warm up to the group from Grace Lutheran.

‘‘He absolutely loved them,’’ Stoner said. ‘‘We all just clicked from the beginning.’’

Stoner took care of Christopher from the time he was born July 3, 1993.‘‘They handed him right to me,’’ she said.

The toddler died in her arms nearly four years later, the same day Stoner says she saw a falling star.

‘‘It was during the day. I almost didn’t see it, but saw the star just before it disappeared – not long after he died. I knew the body I saw at that time was just a shell,’’ Stoner recalls. ‘‘From that point on, I stopped crying and knew I was going to be all right. I knew Christopher would be too.’’

Since then, Stoner talks about Christopher every opportunity she gets and so do the Grace Lutheran Church RAIN members.

‘‘We all loved Christopher,’’ said Patty Reynolds, one of the team’s members. ‘‘I didn’t get to do a lot with Christopher before, so that’s why this (the panel) was so important.’’

Stoner said after the death of her grandson, when many of her relatives were still grieving and couldn’t provide support, she could contact the team at Grace Lutheran.

‘‘They were always supportive and always there for both me and Christopher. He loved them all,’’ Stoner said.

But Grace Lutheran RAIN members admit they had a difficult time after Christopher’s death and needed some time to heal before they met their new partner, which they’ve had now over a year.

Several of the team members were first introduced to Christopher during a Godstock Rally held in his honor. Even before the RAIN group was officially established, they knew they wanted to partner with the energetic bright glassy-eyed boy who carried the wry little smile.

‘‘He was so sweet,’’ Sloop said. ‘‘We knew when we met him, we would request him as our first partner.’’

‘‘We all loved him and loved to be around him,’’ Diane Bouk chimed in. ‘‘He always made you feel good when he was around.’’

‘‘Up until the end,’’ someone said.

As each talked about experiences with the child, a silence crept over the room.

Stoner’s house resembles a shrine to the small boy who came into the world with the terminal illness that later claimed his life.

Each shelf and table in Stoner’s sitting room holds a picture of Christopher.

‘‘He was a special little boy. He taught me the true meaning of unconditional love,’’ his grandmother said. ‘‘I miss him a lot.’’

Ronnie Smith

Among the panels, another Rowan County resident whose life was claimed by AIDS will be displayed this weekend.

Sacred Heart Catholic Church is also sponsoring a panel. Ronnie Smith, 29, died last year, but not before he touched the lives of several Sacred Heart RAIN members.

‘‘Ronnie was easy to love. He taught us humility, facing his illness with courage,’’ RAIN member Cris Brincefield says. ‘‘Sometimes Ronnie was a better RAIN member than we were. He remembered us on birthdays, called on Mother’s Day and bought Christmas presents for each of us and our families.... He was generous to a fault.’’

Brincefied said that each member shared great times with Smith. Whether it a movie, community theater, covered dish dinners, conversation or eating out and sharing his favorite dessert – cheesecake – it meant a lot to the members and even more to Smith.

Smith’s grandmother, Bertha, found a scrapbook after his death. It contained things like ribbon and wrapping from a gift and invitations.

The Sacred Heart RAIN team worked on the panel in memory of Smith to make sure everything was perfect.

Last weekend, the panel was draped over the alter of the church for everyone to remember Ronnie.

Panels on display

The region and maybe the nation will be introduced to young Christopher and Smith when their panels are displayed along others to form the symbolic quilt.

John Calvin Presbyterian Church RAIN team will also remember their partner with a 10-inch square to be sewn on a panel made by RAIN.

A San Francisco man created the quilt’s first panel in 1987. The quilt has grown to well over 40,000 panels, which are stored in San Francisco and given out only to provide awareness and help others heal.

This is the first time in two years the quilt will be displayed in this region.

Brook said the age group of those contracting AIDS/HIV tends to be younger and younger, more prevalent among those in their 20s, ‘‘which means people are contracting in their teens.’’

The disease is also widespread among minorities, where once is was thought only to affect gay white men.

‘‘The panels and the quilt definitely provide an awareness issue and help to break the barriers. It’s a wonderful thing. We have people making panels for husbands, daughters, fathers and children,’’ she said.

All of those panels will be honored and most will go on to national displays across the country.

About 25 to 40 new panels, including those from Rowan, will be dedicated at 7 p.m. Saturday. Those will also become part of the Names Project Aids Memorial Quilt.

Display hours for the quilt be Friday, Feb. 26, from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. It will reopen with a ceremony at 6 p.m. and close at 9. On Saturday, Feb. 27, it reopens from 10 a.m. to 7 p.m. with a dedication ceremony from 7 to 8 p.m.

More churches and individuals are asked to join RAIN. Those interested may call, Brooks at 704-372-7246.