Linda Beck: Time to reflect

  • Posted: Sunday, February 24, 2013 12:01 a.m.

Time is such a precious commodity and I felt it slipping away as I laid in the emergency room waiting for test results.

Two days of spasms and extreme pain were controlling my every movement and becoming quite tiresome. As a patient, I am always asked to rate the pain on a scale of one to ten and I was “over the top.”


Not knowing the cause of this episode was filling my mind with all the possibilities. The doctor’s office had advised me to go to the emergency room suggesting I might have a kidney stone. This is one of the few things I have never had. The blood tests and CT scan came back showing no kidney stones or any other evidence for cause of the pain.

In my mind, I was still thinking it must be related to the multiple sclerosis.

According to the emergency room doctor, there was no evidence of a need to be admitted to the hospital. He gave me a shot of morphine for pain and prescribed Flexeril for the spasms.

I rode home in misery, knowing that something serious was wrong and further tests should have been done.

I continued to get worse and had to call for help several times when I could not transfer back to my power chair from the toilet.

I made the decision to call 911 and off I went again to the hospital in the ambulance.

The ER doctor decided to do a ‘scan with contrast,” instead of how they had done previously “without contrast.” I had to drink a large glass of “yucky stuff,” but every time I took a huge gulp, I repeated Philippians 4:13: “ I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.”

I was shocked when the doctor returned in less than thirty minutes after the test. “Ms. Beck, are you having trouble breathing?”

“Not really,” I replied.

“Do you feel like there is a heavy weight on your chest?” he asked.

Once again , I explained that the pain was starting below my breasts and racking throughout my body. I believe the doctor was about as shocked as I was when he said, “You have blood clots in both your lungs.”

Later, they found that there is another clot in my left leg behind the kneecap.

I thought back about the extreme pain that I had felt like something was twisting my leg and perhaps the clot had been moving after the swelling left my feet.

There I had been so delighted on Jan. 21, when I had been able to wear my dress shoes for the first time in months.

By Jan. 25, I was in the hospital under extremely dangerous consequences of pulmonary embolisms. I was started on morphine for pain and given complete bed rest.

I was moved to the Lutheran Home Rehab facility where I am receiving excellent care.

When the activities director heard that I was there, she came over to visit.

I have picked up used greeting cards there many times.

I told her I was going to miss working on the cards for the soldiers. She offered to bring some over when I feel better.

I said, “Bring them on or I will get bored!”

So I have spent some time separating Christmas cards from other holidays. I don’t have my supplies here to make new cards but that might be for the best.

Now I am sleeping more from the effects of the medications and I have time to read and write.

I’ve had the opportunity to share how God has carried me through so many negative events and once again has been through this with me.

The doctor told me and my daughter that “this could have killed her,” but I guess God wasn’t ready to take me yet.

Some will ask, “Why does God let bad things happen to good people?”

I don’t know how to answer that other than to say maybe I had not been doing enough physical activity.

Perhaps, if I were still working out in warm water like I was before 2002, when I had the major MS exacerbation, things might have been different.

But He has given me something else to write about. I continue to be amazed that I am still here on this earth, but though I am only 65, I am ready to go to Heaven when He decides to call me to my eternal home.

Some folks might wonder why He allows me to suffer.

When I suffer, I remind myself that my suffering is nothing compared to what my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ went through.

It might be easier if I could just die in my sleep but I’m sure I am loved and it would not be easy for my loved ones.

But look how many more folks I have met and there are many people who will learn from this story…another event in my life.

I decided to read back through some things that I wrote in my Bible while studying and reading the works of Christian authors. Immediately certain quotations got my attention and I was led to share these:

“You don’t go to Heaven because of your relationship with the church. You go to Heaven because of your relationship with Christ.” — Dr. David Jeremiah

“God often has to work in us before He can work through us.”

“He can turn our weaknesses and failures into strengths.”

“To worry is to not trust God.”

“Activity is something we think we should be doing while obedience is doing what He has told us to do.”

“Let go and let God!”

Linda Beck, local writer and speaker, has developed severe pulmonary embolisms in her lungs. She will be at the Lutheran Home until she can return home to take care of herself.

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