How do I beat this wrap?

  • Posted: Saturday, December 15, 2012 12:01 a.m.

While thumbing through an advertisement from a local business, I noticed an advertised special for “Licensed Gift Wrap” accompanied by a picture of several rolls of gift wrap.

I must confess that this ad somewhat confuses me. What is licensed gift wrap? In this day of apparent government intrusion into more areas of our daily life, I’m a little concerned about the necessity of licensing gift wrap. Does having a license for gift wrap allow me to carry it in the trunk of my car? If I do carry gift wrap in my car, should I separate the ribbon and tape from the general vicinity of the gift wrap? What about scissors?

My wife and I usually take advantage of the after-Christmas sales to stock up on things like gift wrap, so does that mean that I am guilty of having unlicensed gift wrap in my closet? How would I know? Is there a website or some place I can find out?

Will the local merchants association or police department set aside a day of amnesty to turn in unlicensed gift wrap or at least inspect my old gift wrap to see if it requires a license?

Wow, this is producing a whole new guilt trip, not to mention more stress added to the stress I’m already feeling. I thought all I had to do is come up with a gift for my wife. That seems really easy now compared to the need for ensuring the gift wrap is duly licensed.

Wait a minute! There’s one more problem ... whom do I see about getting a license for gift wrap? Has the state set up a North Carolina Department of Gift Wrap Licensing to deal with this problem? Where are they located? How much is a license going to cost? Will my old gift wrap be “grandfathered” in or will I have to pay a penalty for hoarding unlicensed gift wrap?

Oh, no! I just had a horrible thought. Suppose they make me demonstrate my gift-wrapping ability to get a license! I usually use up most of a roll just to wrap a box the size that would hold a ring. Will I be fined for using too much gift wrap or tape? I have tried in vain to make my wrapping look like the store wrapped variety, but I just can’t do it! Is there a court of appeal if I am turned down for my license, or will I be banned for the rest of my life? The local community college should have classes on gift wrapping! Where do I sign up?

Will somebody out there please help an old guy?

Bob Houck lives in Mt. Ulla.

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