My turn: Elders have much to share, if we'll listen

By Ted. W. Goins Jr.

My mother forwarded an email from a friend, 95-year-old Grace, formerly of North Carolina and now living close to family in Sacramento.

Grace was accidentally in the Sacramento Marathon a few months ago. She and her daughter-in-law had to dodge runners while crossing the road after church. In the email, she also reflected on Dec. 7, the anniversary of the attack on Pearl Harbor. In 1941, Mrs. Cloninger and the church choir were in a radio station in Billings, Mont., performing a Christmas concert when their performance was interrupted with the news. Mrs. Cloninger wrote her email in such a light, happy tone. The telling of new and old news and current events indicates a woman who is keeping up better than I am. Oh, and she's emailing!

That reminds me of 104-year-old Pauline Iddings, a friend who lives at the Lutheran Home at Trinity Oaks in Salisbury. A Catawba College student and I visited Mrs. Iddings in mid-November. She graduated from Lenoir-Rhyne University in 1926; me, a few years later. Mrs. Iddings and I snickered over LR beating Catawba at football, but the student, Dana, noted that hasn't happened very often lately. To carry on an enjoyable conversation with a 21-year-old and a 104-year-old is a treat.

Remember in the '60s when the hippies said never trust anyone over 30? Now where do we draw the line: 105? Every person has so much to share, regardless of age. There are so many home-bound elders with wisdom to give, and so many others who need that knowledge. This is what I call a chocolate and peanut butter moment. Their wisdom (the chocolate) and our need to know (the peanut butter) combine to create something that is even better! Can you tell I like peanut butter cups?

One of the most enjoyable and important things I've ever done was to join two friends from church in visiting a home-bound man from our church. We called in advance. His wife was thrilled at the opportunity, and she told us his favorite ice cream. On the appointed day, we three arrived with a pint of homemade butter pecan. He was not very talkative until the ice cream was gone, but then we learned things about him, our church, and our community we'd have never known. I need to do more of that, as do most of us. It's good for all of us, chocolate and peanut butter!

A retiree approached me years ago about volunteering at one of our Lutheran Homes. He had determined that men don't have enough man stuff to do. For over 10 years he has adopted every male resident in one of our facilities. He comes weekly to visit every male resident. What a blessing for each person he visits! What a blessing to him!

Our elders have a lifetime of memories, experiences and life lessons that we can enjoy and learn from ... if only we would take the time to stop and listen. How do you go about doing this? Just look around. You have a neighbor who rarely gets out. You see an older couple at church. Every nursing home and assisted living in the area has people that need you right now. You can walk into any nursing home and assisted living and in a snap be paired with a person who needs you. Almost everyone loves company, even if it's just to sit and visit. But let me warn you of one dangerous side effect. Visiting your elders is addicting! The more you give, the more you get. Before you know it, you have a whole new family, a whole new set of friends!

Go visit an elder this week. Ask him where he was on Pearl Harbor Day. Ask her where she was on New Year's Eve when she was 21. Ask her what her favorite Valentine's Day was. Ask. You'll be amazed, entertained and entertaining!

Ted W. Goins Jr. lives in Salisbury and is president of Lutheran Services for the Aging.

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