Neighborhoods address bullying

Vivian Koontz, left, of the Salisbury Parks and Recreation staff, has a table full of information to share with, from left, Adrianna Kelsey, Latrece Withers and Charles Withers during Saturday's Project SAFE Family Fun Day at the Hurley Family Y. Photo by Mark Wineka, Salisbury Post

Karen Peck Harris

Shawna McCain enjoys hot dogs, chips and Cheerwine with her daughters Alyssa, middle, and Alivia at Saturday's Project SAFE Fun Day at the Hurley Y. Photo by Mark Wineka, Salisbury Post

By Mark Wineka

mwineka@salisburypost.com

As they gathered in a circle Saturday morning with Karen Peck Harris, the parents told some of their own experiences with bullies and how their children had been terrorized.

One mother said it happened to her son and daughter on a school bus.

They would come home with permanent marker stripes on their arms and legs, in their hair and on their shoes and clothing.

The group also heard about a school having something known as “the fight bathroom,” where an older student would hang out and terrorize his younger, smaller classmates.

One mother said her daughter was being bullied sexually by another girl.

Harris is a LINKS Safe and Drug Free Schools program coordinator for Rowan-Salisbury Schools. She wanted to make sure the parents who attended her workshop, “Let’s Talk about Bullying,” left knowing several things.

Bullying is not a rite of passage. It’s repeated aggression. It’s against the law, and it won’t be tolerated in Rowan-Salisbury Schools.

“We need to put a stop to it,’’ Harris said. “Kids need to quit being hurt.”

Harris’ workshop was one of several offered Saturday during the annual Project SAFE Neighborhoods Family Day event at the Hurley Family Y in Salisbury.

The day focused on positive youth initiatives to deter gang involvement and violence.

The lighter side of the event offered participants free school supplies, door prize opportunities and free hot dogs.

The more serious side talked to parents and children about bullying, gang recruitment practices and the different ways children handle grief.

Many community resource agencies also had information tables in the Y’s gymnasium, including Project SAFE Neighborhoods, the Youth Services Bureau, Salisbury Parks & Recreation, the Rowan County Y, Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts, LINKS, Smart Start Rowan, Salisbury-Rowan Community Action Agency, Youth in Action against Tobacco Council and Piedmont Behavioral Healthcare.

Shawna McCain brought her daughters, 2-year-old Alyssa and 4-year-old Alivia, to the Family Day.

“I like the different community resources they have that are available,” McCain said.

The event’s sponsor, Project SAFE, is a federally funded program aimed at reducing violent gun crime by becoming partners with volunteer citizens and law enforcement.

Past violent offenders are notified that their crimes must stop and are given a chance to take advantage of community resources. But those past offenders who commit another gun-related crime will receive the maximum allowable sentence for future crimes.

As juvenile as bullying might seem on the surface, it translates to pain and fear for the child being bullied, with the strong potential for hurting them emotionally and physically.

Dr. Dan Olweus, a Norwegian pioneer in bullying prevention, defines bullying as “when someone repeatedly and on purpose says or does mean or hurtful things to another person who has a hard time defending himself or herself.”

Bullying can take many forms:

• Verbal bullying, such as calling names and verbal harassment.

• Leaving another person out of a group.

• Telling lies and spreading false rumors.

• Taking away money or other things and damaging personal property.

• Threatening or forcing another person to do things they don’t want to do.

• Racial bullying.

• Sexual bullying.

• Cyber-bullying, using a cell phone or the Internet.

Harris shared with parents the Olweus research, describing it as a best practices program that will be followed in the local school system.

She said children in school who see other students being victimized must be encouraged to report the bullying to a teacher, staff member or parent. If witnesses or bystanders to bullying do not step forward and report it, the bullies win. Harris said.

“We are fostering the criminals, the bullies, to take over,” she added.

Harris noted that teachers and administrators in Rowan-Salisbury Schools have taken anti-bullying training in the spring as part of complying with the new School Violence Protection Act, which took effect Dec. 31, 2009.

The school system also addresses its intolerance of bullying at length in the Code of Conduct, which Harris advised parents to study thoroughly.

As part of their anti-bullying emphasis, schools also are identifying, with the help of students, “hotspots” to cover and monitor — places such as “the fight bathroom” and school buses.

Kids will tell you where and whom to watch, according to Harris.

Several parents in her workshop complained that when they reported bullying activity in the past, the excuse they often heard from principals, teachers and bus drivers was that they hadn’t seen it happen.

“It’s not OK any more to say it’s not happening,” Harris said. “It was never OK.”

She told the parents if they don’t get satisfaction from their teachers or principals, they should contact the administrative office. She said they should never resist going to the school and reporting problems with bullies.

“So when someone says they can’t do anything about it, correct them,” she added.

Bullying is nothing to play around with, Harris said, noting cases when it has led to teen suicide.

When bullying is reported, Harris said, adults must make sure the child being bullied is safe. The bully must be confronted directly, and he or she must face consequences.

But above all, other students must buy into the idea that bullying should not go unreported, Harris emphasized.

“The students who bully are sneaky,” she said.

Contact Mark Wineka at 704-797-4263.