Fesperman cancer a 'bump in the road'

Eric Upton

Daughter Ally wears a "cancer sucks" button given to every member of her family by cancer survivor Andy Caudill, who also lives in China Grove.

This Chemo Duck was given to Darren to borrow by a student at Millbridge Elementary School who's a cancer survivor. Darren will pass it on to someone else when he completes treatment.

Darren Fesperman's family includes, from left, daughter Ally, daughter Erica Harrington, and wife Rhonda.

By Susan Shinn

For the Salisbury Post

CHINA GROVE — In the fall, Darren Fesperman thought he had a popcorn hull stuck in the back of his throat.

"The longer I watched it, the bigger it got," Fesperman says.

Then the spot got hard as a rock, and Darren knew something was wrong.

Darren saw a physician's assistant, who immediately referred him to an ear, nose and throat specialist. That physician suggested that Darren have the knot removed, along with his tonsils.

In early December, Darren and his wife, Rhonda, found out he had B cell lymphoma and follicular lymphoma — cancer within a cancer.

The latter is less life-threatening, and doctors hope to put it into remission. They hope to cure the B-cell lymphoma. Darren is in the midst of eight months of chemotherapy.

"I've tolerated it fine," says Darren, 43. "But it does something to you."

For example, he has an increased sense of smell, and can't stand to smell melted butter.

He was already bald, but went ahead and shaved off his salt-and-pepper goatee.

That took Rhonda, 41, aback.

"He could have sent me an e-mail to warn me," she says.

Thanks to many friends, Rhonda has not had to take time off from her job as a teacher assistant at China Grove Elementary School.

"He just has a great network of support," she says.

His best friend is Eric Upton, owner of Oasis School of Music, just a few blocks away.

Several times, Eric has played his guitar while Darren takes his six-hour chemo treatment.

"We cut up," Darren admits. "I don't think we're supposed to, but we do."

But Eric wanted to do more than play guitar for his friend.

"This has had a profound effect on my life," Eric says. "It made me examine my own life and how I would deal with a crisis this large."

With the diagnosis of cancer in a young person, he says, "it seems to take on a bit more urgency."

Almost immediately, Eric began to think about the idea of a fundraiser for his friend, since Darren will be out of work the better part of a year. Darren delivers the mail from the distribution center to the post office. Over the years, he's also driven for Coca-Cola, Budweiser and Sysco.

"This is going to be catastrophic financially," Eric says. "I just recognized immediately that if we waited until we could see the need, it would be too late."

He went to F&M to inquire about setting up a bank account for the Fespermans, and was told it would need to be done through a nonprofit organization.

That's when he met with The Rev. Greg Yeager, pastor of St. Mark's Lutheran Church, where the family are members.

"The church had already been talking about a fundraiser," Eric says.

"People just started working together. The church has set the date and provided a venue and volunteers. What I'm able to do is be the contact person for people outside the church who want to participate."

The Friends of the Fespermans fundraiser is set for Saturday, Feb. 6, at St. Mark's, 326 N. Main St. The day begins at 7 a.m. with a yard sale. At noon, hot dogs will be sold. Then from 4 to 7 p.m., a lasagna dinner will be available. Advance tickets are being sold for the dinner at $9 per plate, which also includes, salad, bread and tea. You can eat in or take out, and there's limited delivery with a minimum order. The dinner will feature live music with local musicians.

A raffle includes a shotgun or rifle, a guitar, a homemade afghan, BeautiControl items, Thirty One gifts and much more.

Southwest Rowan County Thrivent Financial for Lutherans will supplement funds raised through its Care in Communities program.

Darren and Rhonda say they'll try to drop in several times throughout the day, depending on how he's feeling.

He admits he'll probably be in a "run-down period" in the chemo cycle.

"I just take it as it comes," he says.

Eric has taken advantage of social networking by setting up information for the fundraiser through his own page on Facebook, and by asking friends of Darren and Rhonda to friend him, too. He had 30 friends on Facebook. Now he has nearly 200.

"I've hijacked my own profile," he says.

Darren and Rhonda, who have been married for 17 years, are grateful.

But, Rhonda says, "We've had a hard time accepting it."

"We've always been on the line of giving rather than receiving," Darren adds.

But they are receiving help from so many friends, including daughter Ally's teachers at Carson, Rhonda's co-workers and her parents, Ronnie and Sharon Harwood.

Ronnie has taken Darren for treatment, while Sharon has "snuck in twice," Darren says, to pay the water bill.

Daughter Erica Harrington, 19, says she doesn't remember life without Darren.

"As far as I'm concerned," she says firmly, "there wasn't a life before him. He's been in very, very high spirits about the whole thing."

Her dad says he doesn't spend time being angry or mad.

"It's not a punishment," Darren says. "It's just another factor in life. Negative thoughts don't do any good. I think of this as just like a bump in the road, basically. I haven't once felt like I wouldn't get better from this."

For more information about the fundraiser, contact Eric Upton at 704-433-7988 or friend him on Facebook by searching for Eric Upton.

You may also call The Rev. Greg Yeager at 704-857-2092.

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Freelance writer Susan Shinn lives in Salisbury.