Ford column: Electronic anniversary

Faced with our parents' impending 40th wedding anniversary, my sisters and I had a problem.

Several problems.

Mom and Dad live in South Dakota. My sisters live in Oregon, and of course, I'm here.

We live just about as far away from each other as possible while all still residing in the United States.

We had no idea how to plan and execute a large party for their Jan. 24 anniversary, much less attend it ourselves.

Laura was about to deliver her first baby, Merilee has a demanding job that only allows her a few days off at a time, and I've got three kids in school.

Going home for a celebration wasn't possible.

But we couldn't just send greeting cards to mark such a marital milestone. We wanted to find a special way to honor and celebrate our parents, despite our limited availability and resources.

So we decided to throw the party electronically.

We e-mailed family and friends and asked them to secretly send us stories, memories and photos of our parents.

The results, which arrived over several weeks, made us laugh and cry. There were stories we'd never heard before and events we remember.

They gave us new insight into our parents as individuals, even as children, and their relationship as a couple. We read about their joys and their sorrows and the many ways they've helped their friends over the past four decades.

Starting on their anniversary, Mom and Dad received one memory each day. The renewable gift was even better than we anticipated.

Rather than a party that ends after a few hours, this celebration went on for weeks. Every morning, Mom and Dad hurried to the computer to see the new message and take another trip down memory lane.

They were able to enjoy and savor each one, and the gift givers took time to craft their sentiments and stories, telling wonderful tales about childhood shenanigans, hunting trips, long weekends on the Missouri River, my dad's skill as a bartender and their wedding day, 40 years ago.

The stories were as much our gifts as theirs, and my sisters and I felt such joy and pride to read friends and family proclaiming that our parents "are truly amazing people" and have "weathered storms with grace and courage" and "above all, love for each other."

"You come from good stock," one cousin wrote.

When our turn came, Laura listed the secrets of a long, happy marriage that she's learned from watching Mom and Dad:

Patience, family dinners, time spent together in front of a fire or on a boat (but not at the same time).

Knowing when to keep something to yourself, knowing when to give support, knowing when to give space.

Laughter, special trips, sacrifice. Romance.

Communication, taking up each other's interests, holding hands.

Laura pointed out that Mom and Dad encourage bold moves.

When I was 11 years old with two younger sisters, Dad quit his job and went to law school. Mom went back to college at the same time.

While I didn't recognize the boldness of these moves as a child, I certainly do now, with three kids of my own and a certain fondness for a steady paycheck.

Merilee told our parents in her e-mail that they were responsible for the best decision she's ever made, getting married.

Mer loves being married, loves it more each year. Mom and Dad taught her how much work marriage takes, how much effort and dedication.

But mostly, she wrote, they taught her how rewarding marriage is.

Our parents have supported, cared for, thanked, admired, relied on, turned to and forgiven each other for 40 years.

No matter what.

We couldn't ask for a better example of marriage than the one they have provided.

The electronic party is finally over, and we will print and bind the memories, stories and photos for Mom and Dad to keep. Next month, they escape the brutal South Dakota winter to celebrate their anniversary in Puerto Vallarta.

I hope they celebrate all year long.

Contact Emily Ford at eford@salisburypost.com.