Kerr column: Unmarried America

Bars have been replaced by online dating sites as the place for singles to meet. Metro Creative Images.

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This is the first time in recorded history it has happened. Never before, certainly in the documented records of America, has there been such a trend.

Single adults constitute almost 47 percent of the adult population in America — almost half of all adults. That’s about 101 million Americans over 18 years old! And that is changing the way our society is doing just about everything, from education to insurance, from technology to travel.

Singles are defined as unmarried adults, 18 years or older, who happen to be single by chance, change or choice (whether theirs or someone else’s). They fall into one or more of the following categories:

• Never married

• Formerly married

• Widowed

• Single parent

• Separated — legally married but living a single lifestyle

Who are these single adults? Fifty-seven percent are less than 45 years old; 4 in 10 are younger than 35, according to “Singles in the U.S.: the New Nuclear Family,” a report from market research publisher Packaged Facts, a division of MarketResearch.com. Only 17 percent of all American single adults are 65 years old and older.

Unmarried adults share generational similarities. Younger singles are comfortable with technology, for example, while older singles focus on luxury (about a quarter of singles are Boomers, who seem open to experience-oriented travel).

Rich Hurst, in an article called “Unmarried America: How Single Adults are Changing the Face of the U.S.,” writes, “The most significant unmarried sub-group, single parents, enjoy sharing their children’s entertainment. And single moms,” the report says, “despite earning 66 percent less than their male counterparts, concentrate more on providing for their kids materially and emotionally.”

More than half of the un married Americans are women. And for every 100 single women there are 88 unmarried men available. Understandably, there are more than 1,000 dating services available, employing over 5,000 people to help the single folks find each other. For this, those companies collected nearly $500 million as early as 2002.

Forty million Americans use online dating services — about 40 percent of the American single population. Most singles report they are “too busy” to meet other singles. About 1 in 5 relationships now begin on sites like Match.com and E-Harmony. Estimates are that only 2 percent of men find relationships in a bar. The number goes up to 9 percent for women. (Still 63 percent of current married couples claim to have found their mates through a network of friends.)

Single-adult households have displaced two-parent families with children as the most common kind of U.S. household as of 2005, reports the Census Bureau (making up 53 percent of all households). The change demonstrates a “growing complexity” of American households, researchers said in a new report, “Examining American Household Composition: 1990 and 2000.”

Peter Francese, the founder of American Demographics magazine said, “It is breathtaking how many people still think the ‘mom, pop and two kids’ is the majority of households.” Tracing the growing trend, as recently as 2000 there were 22 million single adult households. Currently, these households make up over 50.2 percent of all households in the U.S.

The configuration of those households is diverse. More than 30 million Americans, or 27 percent of the nation’s households, live alone, far outnumbering the 24.2 million that contain married couples with children younger than 18 years of age. About 12 million adults are living with an unmarried partner, while some 47 million Americans are living with relatives — both are ever-growing trends.

But what about a closer look at these single adults? Myths abound about this growing number of people in America. An article from InStep Ministries recounts some of these myths. Here are some of the most common:

All single adults:

• Are sexually active

• Are desperate to get married

• Are unhappy with being single

• Have never grown up

• Have more fun than married people

• Are a threat to marriages

• Have major personal and emotional problems

• Are not “whole people”

Singles are vastly misunderstood by society, the workplace, churches – even sometimes their own friends. Some people see them as cavalier and unable to commit. Others see them as hedonists — always looking for fun. Still others see them as transient, irresponsible, selfish, and lacking good relational skills. Many are seen as being afraid of commitment.

In reality, many singles want and look forward to a long-term committed relationship — marriage. Many are solid people who fear the aftermath of their parents failed marriage or their own relational difficulties. While some are lonely, alienated, wounded, disconnected and cautious — so are many married people.

Singles are also very high- functioning and brave leaders in roles in the community. They, like everyone else, are looking for acceptance, community, friendships, as well as purpose and opportunities to learn and serve others. Perhaps we need to open our hearts and our minds to their potential.

• • •

“Jesus: Single Like Me,” a celebration event for single adults, will be held at First Baptist Church of Salisbury on Feb. 10 from 7-9 p.m. and Feb. 11 from 9 a.m.-Noon.

The featured speaker is Kris Swiatacho, direct of “The Singles Network” Ministries and co-author of “Singles & Relationships”.

Tickets are $15 for both days and $10 for either day. Contact Rod Kerr or Lisa Kluttz at 704-633-0431 or email lisa@fbcsalisbury.org for registration information.