For many parents, the threats and heightened security measures that disrupted classroom routines here in the wake of school shootings in California have provoked two realizations: No matter where you live, it’s impossible to shield your child from these events — and it can be difficult to talk with your child about them.

Like sexuality and drug abuse, school safety is a touchy topic. It’s as if the mere mention of these subjects somehow makes our youngsters more vulnerable. Yet, the reverse is actually true. One of the best protections parents can give a child — against any threat — is a strong parental bond based on mutual trust and honest communication.

Here are some suggestions from psychologists and school safety experts on how to discuss school safety with your child:

• Don’t try to deny your own apprehensions. While it’s important to avoid overreacting, it’s also important for parents to deal with their own fears. It may help to talk with someone on the school staff or with other parents. When adults acknowledge fear, it can help children express their emotions.
• Don’t wait for your children to bring up concerns; encourage them to talk about it. But do so in a comfortable setting, in a non-threatening way. Andy Hagler, executive director of the Mental Health Association in Forsyth County, suggests prompting children by asking if they feel safe at school. Keep the discussion age-appropriate for your child. For younger children, violence may be an abstract term, Hagler says, but they will talk about their fears regarding classmates who may be mean to them.
• Teach your children to take warning signs seriously. If your child knows of a student making threats or bullying and harassing others, reinforce that they need to tell school officials, a parent or other trusted adult. Similarly, if they know of a particular student constantly harassed or bullied, it’s just as important to let school officials know about that, too.
• Help your child keep school safety in perspective. While the recent shootings have raised anxiety levels, school violence isn’t common. That’s part of the reason it generates such attention — some would say too much attention — in the media.
• Empower your child to be part of the solution. Troubled youngsters behave in negative ways that invite rejection, ridicule or harassment, feeding the cycle that perpetuates violence. Teach your child to treat others with respect and to avoid responding in kind to negativity. Model behavior that teaches kids to treat others as they want to be treated.

Most threats reported to school officials turn out to be hoaxes. But parents who use such incidents to communicate more effectively with their children have made a very real and lasting contribution to their security and well-being.