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Most people call it March Madness.
Then, I look at my wife’s scowl and realize that it’s just “being mad in March.”
When we first started dating, I warned Joan about March. Itold her, ”I’m not leaving the house during this month, that is, unless I’m covering March Madness.
Itold her college basketball was one of my two passions. She’s the other, of course (is she still scowling?)
And even after a decade of marriage, she — as all wives of the college basketball insane — plots a way to get me back, regardless of how many clothes I fold or how many dishes I wash or how many times I buy food so she won’t have to cook.
Like earlier this week, for instance, when she announced that my in-laws had invited us down on Sunday to eat.
That’s Sunday. The afternoon Duke plays.
Let’s see here. Duke or the in-laws? Duke or the in-laws? Hmmm.
I respectfully decline the invitation, honey.
So before I become homeless in April, I’ve got to get in as much March Madness as I can now. And since I’m not going with one of the ACC teams this year, I get to study the tube, listen to the analysts, watch the underdogs and figure out my NCAA Tournament brackets.
I enjoyed watching the title championship games of the lesser-known conferences, except for one thing: there were practically no crowds. At least four times, I heard the announcer say, “I wouldn’t want to play them in a first-round game.”
I enjoyed listening to everyone give Duke no chance because of the lack of a Carlos Boozer and then listening to the same nuts pick them to win the whole thing after destroying North Carolina in the ACC Tournament finals.
I enjoyed listening to everyone build up the Tar Heels until they lost to Duke in the ACC finals and then say they couldn’t beat their way out of a wet paper bag and had no chance of getting by any P-team: Princeton, Providence or Penn State.
In other words, it’s just another year of feeling like an expert today while you pick the brackets and then feeling like a fool next month when it’s all over.
This year, I’m picking my brackets because of a dream I had the other night. I dreamed I was a CBS executive, wanting the best possible matchups.
THE WEST
In San Diego, Stanford and Indiana win as expected, Cincinnati (over BYU)and Georgia Tech (over 25-6 St. Joseph’s) come out on top when not expected to.
In Boise, Lefty’s Georgia State club, winners of 28 of 32, gets the first upset, beating Wisconsin. That sets up the dream matchup with Lefty’s former team Maryland, who socks neighbor George Mason. Iowa State and Arkansas play in the next round.
Another upset: Georgia Tech, the king of beating the “NCAA Kings” dethrones Stanford and makes the Sweet 16. Indiana beats Cincinnati.
Maryland then edges Iowa State and Indiana. Could this be? Gary Williams and Maryland make the Final four for the first time since 1975?
THE EAST
Since this is a CBS dream, Duke and Missouri meet in the second round so we can make a big deal of this matchup: Coach K vs. his former point guard Quin Snyder in Greensboro.
Utah State and UCLA win the other games and then 27-5 Utah State pulls another surprise, beating UCLA.
Which, of course, gives Duke an easy win.
Duke then awaits Boston College, which advanced past Southern Utah, Oklahoma State and Iowa.
Iowa, by the way, still steaming along after their Big Ten Tournament title, knocks a hot Kentucky team out.
Boozer returns in the regional final to lead the Devils to a 77-70 win. ACC team No. 2 is in the Final Four.
THE MIDWEST
The scariest part of the regional in Dayton is that all of the experts are picking Charlotte’s 49ers to beat not only Tennessee in the first round but No. 1 seed Illinois in the second. Which means Charlotte will lose their first-round game.
But this is a TV dream so Charlotte is the best story and we’re going with Bobby Lutz’s team. They won’t lose until Kansas sends them home in the Sweet 16.
Kansas will beat Wake Forest in the regional final in San Antonio’s Alamodome.
Wake Forest? The team that started 12-0 but finished 19-10? Yes, that Wake Forest. This is March Madness and when you count someone out, that usually means they’re in. And don’t forget. This is a TV dream so we want that Wake-Arizona matchup in the second round so Loren Woods can struggle against his former teammates.
THE SOUTH
Ah yes, the ABCers (Anybody but Carolina) are loving it this week. There is supposedly dissension in the ranks at North Carolina. There’s no way the Tar Heels can rebound from the most embarrassing loss in Tar Heel history.
Puh-leeze. Doesn’t UNC always make the Sweet 16?
And guess where the regionals will be held? That’s right. The Georgia Dome. Where Duke beat the Heels to a pulp. UNC will beat Texas, which knocked off injured Florida.
The Heels will not meet Michigan State. Virginia, a team who can play like Florida State one night and Michigan State the next, gets on one of their famous offensive rolls and beats the Spartans 96-93.
Virginia vs. North Carolina. UNC by 14.
THE FINAL FOUR
My gosh, say it ain’t so.
Duke and North Carolina in a semifinal? Gary Williams is breathing a sigh of relief that he has Kansas.
I’m tired of talking about Duke-Carolina. So all I’ll say is, Duke wins in Minneapolis.
There have been championship games between teams of the same conference before and it happens again. Maryland outscores Kansas.
My gosh, say it ain’t so again. A fourth meeting between Duke and Maryland?
Maryland is satisfied to be in the championship game, finally. Duke isn’t. And that’s why Duke will be the national champion.
Again.
n
That just leaves me to decide one more outcome that could make or break March Madness for me. And it begins in Sunday’s first round.
Duke or the in-laws? Duke or the in-laws?
n
Ronnie Gallagher is the still-married (for now) sports editor of the Post.
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Ronnie