The wrapping of Christmas gifts at our house follows a haphazard schedule, mimicking the season.
When I have gifts to wrap, I go upstairs, close the bedroom door and spread the paper, tape, scissors, bows and presents on our queen-sized bed. I also issue a warning that no one should enter the room over the next five hours.
It takes me a while to wrap a gift — I allow about an hour per present.
I don’t know when my kids wrap their gifts. They just appear under the tree somehow.
My wife uses guerrilla tactics in her wrapping regimen.
From parts unknown, she will suddenly appear in the living room with a present, always passing it under the nose of the recipient on its way to the tree. If the gift is for me, she expects me to guess what it is.
I always guess wallet. You’re never far from wrong guessing wallet or underwear.
But Christmas passes under my nose all year long, and it always comes unannounced, like my wife’s gifts in the living room.
I find it wrapped in the simplest things:
A Frosty from Wendy’s.
Good report cards from the kids.
When I own both Park Place and Boardwalk in Monopoly.
The daily crossword puzzle.
A summer afternoon on the beach, reading a book.
Reading any book by John Irving or Terry Kay.
Having a Monday off.
Hearing a Van Morrison song.
Pigging out at the Boy Scout Oyster Roast.
The benediction at church: Go in peace; thanks be to God.
Tomato soup.
Tomato soup, with a toasted cheese sandwich.
A night in bed when you can hear the rain against the window.
A snow day.
When my wife fixes me a cup of coffee in the morning.
The smell of freshly mowed grass.
Newly seeded grass that grows.
Shooting baskets in the driveway.
Smoking my one cigar a year.
Thanksgiving dinner.
A weeknight dinner at home with everyone around the table.
Hearing my dad’s voice on the telephone.
Using all my letters in a Scrabble turn.
A perfect Frisbee throw.
A good Sunday sermon.
Looking at photographs of the kids when they were little.
Sunflower seeds.
Sitting on the porch at Halloween, waiting for the trick-or-treaters.
Being out in the sun and feeling sweat trickle down my back.
A back adjustment at the chiropractor.
Falling asleep on the couch while watching a Sunday afternoon football game.
Rolling over on a Saturday, when I know I can sleep in.
A quiet float on the South Yadkin River.
A visit from my in-laws.
Spying on bluebirds as they feed their young.
Steak on the grill.
Watching the kids at a soccer practice.
Day baseball.
A Braves game on the radio.
Receiving a letter or an e-mail that just says hello.
Making it to another birthday.
And, yes, a new wallet at Christmas.
Contact Mark Wineka at 704-797-4263, or mwineka@salisburypost.com
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