Like many other residents who live within a howitzer shot of Barringer Road, I was more than a little disturbed to learn about the man who had hand grenades, blasting caps, dynamite and assorted other hobby items stashed in a school bus buried in his back yard.
When I moved to Rowan County, I expected to turn up a gopher tortoise or two while putting in the spring crops, but I didn’t know I should be on the lookout for buried buses packed with hand grenades. Is that why they warn folks around here that they should always call before digging?
Sheriff George Wilhelm has assured the gentle townfolk that this was simply an individual with some unusual interests — some of us collect matchbooks, others go for flame-throwers. It should not be viewed, the sheriff cautioned, as evidence of a buried-bus cult or a survivalist group planning a coup d’etat against the Historic Properties Commission. But don’t be lulled into a false sense of security just because there aren’t any obvious trapdoors in your own backyard.
While some may view this as a so-called “isolated incident” — and being 10 feet underground in a moldy bus is getting pretty isolated — it’s just one more sign of a civilization sinking ever deeper in decay, and it calls for a resolute response.
Clearly, we need to post the Ten Commandments in our schools (and inscribe them on all rear emergency-exit doors). We need to get some backbone and reject unconstitutional gun-control laws that allow only one grenade launcher per buried bus. But mainly, we need to do something about the appalling lack of zoning regulations for large subterranean vehicles.
Here our county officials have spent months and months quibbling over rules for mobile homes — most of which do not contain weapons of mass destruction — while completely ignoring the problem that was waiting to open like a giant sinkhole right under their very feet. Why hasn’t someone been looking into this earlier?
Where was the buried-bus issue in last year’s county commission campaigns?
This incident raises many questions that demand immediate attention from law-enforcement agencies, county planners and, probably, diesel-engine technicians. For instance:
- Do you have to put a bus on cinderblocks before you bury it, or is that only required for vehicles abandoned aboveground?
- What is the minimum legal width for a road leading to a buried bus? Should there be a different width requirement for internal roads in a buried-bus park?
- Does a buried bus have to be on a separate septic system, or can it tie into the existing system for the main residence?
- Is is aesthetically acceptable for a buried bus to have an above-ground pool?
- Do you have to get a separate permit to add a deck?
- For taxation purposes, should a buried bus be treated as a vehicle or a vacation home?
- Are buried buses compatible with residential/agricultural zoning, or do you need a variance?
n If a buried bus is used as a rental property, who’s responsible for oil changes — the tenant or the owner?
I don’t mean to be too harsh on county officials. The Salisbury City Council hasn’t exactly been proactive on the buried-vehicle front lately, either, although I do seem to recall a resolution urging that all buried buses retain their original color schemes and be connected by bike paths.
The important thing now is for authorities to address the problem. Left unchecked, it’s the sort of thing that can undermine the bedrock of a community. Plus, you get a lot more rust in the groundwater.
For starters, I’d suggest a fact-finding tour to other areas to see how they’ve dealt with the problem of buried buses. I’ll bet Chapel Hill got a handle on this years ago. Let’s beef up the metal-detector fund for the sheriff’s department and mount weekend search-and-board missions.
Who knows what else is buried out there — Winnebagos with low-grade nuclear weapons? Semis with SCUD missiles? Small locomotives filled with anthrax?
Meanwhile, you may want to do some exploratory excavations of your own, particularly if you notice any suspicious bare spots in your bermuda grass. But remember: Always call before digging.
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Chris Verner is editorial page editor of the Salisbury Post. Contact him at 704-797-4262 or
verner@salisburypost.com .
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