Were not going to win.Today, Carl
Millers words sound like prophecy.
But back in 1966 when he was the first young man
back from the wars in Vietnam and talking to a Salisbury Post reporter he was
disillusioned.
Weve got enough men there now, he said,
to stand hand to hand, elbow to elbow, at the widest part of the country and run
everyone of (the Viet Cong) out. We could start at the tip end and just walk north and end
this thing ...
But we wont. Well spend $10 billion, and
were not going to win.
In the light of history, 25 years after the fall of Saigon,
his words bore the wisdom of age, though he still looked like a boy. Today, hes
older and still bitter about how America lost that war. He sees its effects every day, as
a top administrator at the Hefner VA Medical Center on Brenner Avenue.
But in 1966, he was a boy burning with the fire of a
17-year-old volunteer whod persuaded his reluctant father to sign papers so he could
join the Marines and then volunteered again to have his overseas duty extended so he could
go to Vietnam where the action was.
Instead, he was frustrated, bitter and 39 pounds
lighter than he was when he decided during mid-term exams in his senior year at Boyden
High School that he had to go at that moment, even though he was a senior and would
have graduated in June.
I finished the day out and went up town and joined
the Marines. The recruiter tried to talk him out of it. So did his parents. And his
sisters. Even his brother-in-law, who had just been discharged.
But he wouldnt listen and he was at Parris Island in
two weeks and in no time hed finished electronics school and gone to Japan
and life was good.
Vietnam was building, however, and he wanted to see what
was happening there. So he asked the Marines to extend his tour six months so he could go
and in days he landed at Da Nang in South Vietnam. The temperature was 135 degrees.
The base at Da Nang was the largest in South Vietnam
but soldiers were still in tents. He and his buddies had to pitch a tent to have a place
to sleep that first night.
The food was canned or powdered, and his weight dropped
from 181 the day he arrived to 143 when he left. Flies, mosquitoes, rats, roaches were
everywhere. So was disease. Carl got a case of jungle rot in July and had it until
January.
But the biggest problem was frustration.
War in Vietnam was not like the war in the old World War II
movies. The sides didnt draw battle lines. No one wore uniforms. South Vietnamese
and North Vietnamese who had infiltrated into South Vietnam looked alike to American eyes.
No one knew who the enemy was and he was everywhere. On the base. Inside their tents. He
had to be inside their tents. Allies wouldnt plant punji stakes sharpened
bamboo sticks inside their tents so that when they got up in the morning, they
stepped on them and sprained an ankle. Or broke a foot.
By the time Carl got there, so many Americans soldiers had
been injured stepping on punji stakes that the government issued special jungle boots for
Vietnam. They had a steel plate inside the sole and webbed sides instead of leather so
theyd give. A man who couldnt walk couldnt do anything.
And it wasnt unusual to buy a Coke from a South
Vietnamese ally and find crushed glass or acid in the bottle.
A battle meant hunting for the enemy like hunting for
rabbits and squirrels.
If its a war and people are getting
killed, he said, lets do it and get through with it.
But the country didnt do it and and didnt get
through with it for years.
And Carl Miller, who finished high school with
correspondence courses while he was over there, isnt through with it yet even
if American troops came home 27 years ago, even if Saigon fell to the communists a quarter
of a century ago.
But he isnt thinking about Vietnam now because
its the Memorial Day weekend.
I think about Vietnam every day, he says, and
hell keep on thinking about it every day because hes the administrative
officer in charge of the night shift at VA Medical Center. He answers directly to the
director, William May, also a Vietnam veteran.
His duties deal with virtually everything that has to do
with veterans except medical decisions.
And some of the veterans have lingering problems that
started in Vietnam, and theyve never gone away.
Some are sad, he says. Some are bitter.
When Im working, I talk to all of them that
come in. I see it every day.
I dont know if I would be any different if I
hadnt gone to Vietnam, but when you see it every day, you cant not think about
it.
I spent 10 years, he says, after he came home
in 66, not knowing what I wanted to do. Vietnam had a part in that.
There was no way to adjust. We werent welcomed
with open arms. A lot of us didnt even want to tell anybody we were veterans.
The soldiers coming home got no time to readjust.
You were in Vietnam one day, he says, and back
in this country the next night, and there was no time to get over anything.
In World War II most of the soldiers came back by ship and
had some some wind-down time. They all came home to a heros welcome, kissing the
girls and hearing the cheers.
But the soldiers who were in Vietnam came home one by one
and alone.
You hit the ground running and kept it all to
yourself. I think thats what causes the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in a lot of
people. A lot of it has to do with the way they were treated. We came home to jeers where
they came home to cheers.
Carl got a job at Fiber Industries, planning to start
college in September, and met Sallie. Just the thought of her demands a digression. He
figures if he hadnt gone into the Marines, his timing at Fiber would have been all
wrong and he might never have met Sally.
Weve been married 32 years and have two sons.
Carl III is writing his dissertation at the University of Georgia for a Ph.D. in
philosophy, and Joseph is a dispatcher for the Salisbury Police Department and is starting
rookie school this fall. If I hadnt met Sallie, everything would have been
different.
And he picks his story up again with her.
He started East Carolina but left for another job. And then
another job.
I had lots of jobs back then. They were married
in 67 and moved to Las Vegas because he still felt unsettled and had friends there.
But they came home in 78. He bought some convenience
stores, but sold them in 82 and went to work at the VA Medical Center and has been
there ever since and feels lucky.
I dont think Vietnam haunted me as much,
he says, as the way the soldiers who were there were treated when they got back here,
the attitude of the country after Vietnam. I hear Vietnam stories every day, and I
cant tell why some people get over it and some dont.
My bitterness is directed at individuals more than
the nation, he says. People like Jane Fonda, who were treated like heroes. She
definitely gave aid and comfort to the enemy. Thats the definition of a traitor. I
doubt that theres a veteran in the world who could stand her.
But he thinks the nation needs to learn from the
experience, too.
If you dont learn from your mistakes,
youre bound to make them again.
Vietnam was like Korea.
We were afraid of China. Same mistakes. Same ending.
Harry Truman did it in Korea; Johnson, in Vietnam.
Hed rather not think about Vietnam.
It didnt turn out like it started to be. When
it first started, everybody in service wanted to go. I guess, kindly like World War II.
Everybodys patriotic, and Uncle wants you to go and thats what you do. But
years later, you dont feel the same way about Vietnam.
It was wrong. Politics dont have a place in a
war. It wasnt like Desert Storm. They went over there and they won. Thats the
only reason they went. But they wouldnt let us do that. Everybody knew. There was no
question of that.
There wasnt a politician who didnt
know, he says.
And thats what makes you wonder.
You know what you are, but you dont know what
you would have been if it hadnt been for the war. I deal with people every day who
have a lot of problems with that.